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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

anyone know any compulsive gamblers - need advice/support/bit of a chat...

13 replies

unlucky7 · 02/06/2006 19:20

hi, just hoping that someone online tonight knows a bit about gambling. my dh is a compulsive gambler, mostly its under control but then he'll have a 'blip' and blow a couple of hundred pounds - we really can't afford it apart from the fact that it makes him miserable and that i jut don't knwo what i can do to help. I've just got in from work and he's just told me that he's going to GA tonight as he's had another blip this week that he didn't tell me about, he won't normally go to our local GA as he doesn't like the set-up, he used to go to a really good one when we lived in lndon but we have moved

OP posts:
jofeb04 · 02/06/2006 19:45

Hiya
I have never been through this, so have got no "real" advice.
However, I dont want to think of you going through this, and Im sure someone will be along shortly with some help

Original poster
unlucky7 · 02/06/2006 19:54

thank you thats lovely of you feeling bit teary and can't really talk to my friends/family about it - gambling is a wierd addiction

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 02/06/2006 19:58

My xp had a really bad gambling addiction, and you are right is it a horrible weird addiction.

I'll be around for a bit, if you want to talkSmile

Original poster
unlucky7 · 02/06/2006 20:02

Thanks - xp doesn't sound promising, i that the reason you broke up? Really fed up of having to be all supportive and positive when really i'm screaming inside and thinking that we'll be in debt forever, he says he keeps thinking that we'd (me and d/s 9mo) be better off without him Sad

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 02/06/2006 20:08

Yeah sorry, I'm afraid it is. but my xp does seem much worse than your dh.

In the end my xp stole thousands of pounds from family, friends, me, our dd, anywhere he could.

But i know what you mean, being supportive all the time when you feel you are caught in a constant cirlce is so hard and totally soul destroying. Still though, it is a promising step that your DH is willing to go to GA my Xp was never willing to do that....didn't think he needed to. recognising the problem is the first step. Smile

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/06/2006 20:09

Am glad that your DH has admitted he does have a problem with gambling and is going to GA. What makes him start gambling, what are the triggers, what's he trying to escape from?. You do not of course have to answer that but has he talked about why he starts to either you or GA?.

Was wondering if you yourself have contacted Gamcare as they may be able to help you also with regards to his addiction.

Their web address is www.gamcare.org.uk

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/06/2006 20:10

Their Telephone Helpline is 0845 6000 133 and operates 24 hours a day.

Original poster
unlucky7 · 02/06/2006 20:14

Really sorry to hear that, hope that you and your dd are doing OK. My dh used to come home from GA and tell me bits about other people there and it was v scary to think what could happen to us if he carried on, but he managed to stay off gambling while he was going. Do you keep in contact with your xp, is he still as bad? My d/h's brother is a gambler too and has lost thousands, he refuses to go to GA and still plays poker because he doesn't think he's got a problem - they have a young son and they are introducing him to POker - just makes me want to never spend any time with them for fear of their influence on my family.

OP posts:
Original poster
unlucky7 · 02/06/2006 20:18

thanks attila - must have crossed posted, i'll have a look at the site. he just thinks that he can win back all the money that he has lost, he used to gamble a lot at casinos and did have big wins so there is some logic to his idea that he could have one big win and everything would be ok, but obviously as he's a compulsive gambler he wouldn't know when to stop and he'd lose it all. he keeps telling me that he feels like a failure, but he has a v good job, wife, gorgeous baby boy etc etc, i guess that just makes him feel worse

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/06/2006 20:34

Do look at the Gamcare website - they are there also to help family and friends of people with gambling problems.

Think you've hit the nail on the head with regards to your DH's gambling. The elusive big win is going to remain ever elusive and chances are that if he was to win big (unlikely as the odds are often in favour of the house) it will not be enough and it will all be ploughed back in to yet more gaming. He would certainly not stop at one win.

I sincerely hope that with help from GA and other means of support, your DH can move forward with regards to his addiction.

Aimsmum · 02/06/2006 20:40

Yeah, me and DD are fine thanks Smile

I am still in regular contact with him, he sees DD a lot. He continued to gamble for a good while after we split up, but after loosing tens of thousands of pounds and several jobs as a result, he finally hit rock bottom and has pretty much stopped gambling now (to my knowledge anyway)

I really do think it is a good sign that your dh can recognise his problem and is seeking help, I think it is a very tough addiction to conquor, but it sounds as though he is on the right road Smile

Hang on in there if you feel you can, as I am sure he will need the support, but i realise how hard it is.

For some gamblers, i think it is about more than just the win too, it is a form of escape and the thrill of the risk or whatever. I know for my xp it was a lot to do with escaping from the pressures of everyday life etc.....

I have read quite a bit on the subject, but i still don't claim to understand it, but I'm happy to chat if you need someone to talk to, as i know it is hard to talk to people who are close to you about it Smile

Original poster
unlucky7 · 02/06/2006 20:52

Thank you both so much - i've looked at the site and i think it will be a great alternative for dh when he can't get to ga in london. feeling wiped out now, think i'm going to go and have a soak in the bath before dh gets back.

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 02/06/2006 20:54

Hope your DH got on ok, and you have a nice evening. Take care Smile

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