My husband is an absolute arsehole when he is drunk

[Arseholehusband]

We have been together for almost 16 years. We get on really well. Everything is fine except for when he has a drink.

He can't drink much and when he is pissed he is just an arse hole and I don't like him at all. He does not drink very often only about once a fortnight and he does not drink much but it really affects him and changes him into a completely different person.

I really don't know what to do as I enjoy a drink now and then ( no problems with it just a drink every couple of weeks ) but I am dreading him drinking as he is so horrible .

To the posters who've posted here recently about their relationships-- might be easier if you started your own thread.
This is from 2013 and people are going to respond to your post as if you made the first post, and it is hard for people responding to know what post to respond to.... and you won't know who they're responding to either

I don't get it either, every fortnight he turns into another person, nah, I'd not carry on putting up with that either.

What do I do? My husband is a drinker. I have always known this, but lately he's been going out Friday night til 3am, Saturday nights til 3am and Sunday afternoons from midday til 10pm. Am I being unreasonable to think he's taking the piss? We are trying to watch our finances but I am sure he's spending way too much in the pub. I don't know what to do, any advise?

Im not very keen on DH when he is drunk and im sober, like you i cant really put my finger on why. I've found the perfect solution though; i buy 2 bottles of wine but tell him we are sharing one so i can strawpedo the other one in the pantry when hes busy doing something else! He'll probably show up shortly with a thread "my DW is a total nightmare after half a bottle of wine"

@Jmangis72 you would be best to create your own post, this is a zombie thread from 2013 and most people will answer the op rather than your post.

@Hping the above post was meant for you

I've never posted on anything like this before, but read a post from 2013 whilst searching what I should do in this situation and feel like the advice given is sound, so thought I'd register as I'm at a loss.

I am 33 and currently married to my second husband (was really young when I got married the first time) the man I am married to, I love intensely, he is hard working, devoted to me and a brilliant step father to my 2 son's, I want for nothing, he helps around the house, we have so many things in common and have a good life, But, it's a big but.... sometimes (I'm crying when I type this because, it's more than sometimes if I'm honest) he is absaloutly awful to me when he is drunk, this new year is the second new he has ruined in a row, he says really hurtful things, shouts at me, tells me to shut the fuck up, tells I do his head in, I whine, I'm irritating, I'm annoying, I piss him off, he can't stand me , to get out of his face, to stay away from him ECT ECT, this list is pretty much endless. He an ever insults me, as in calls me names and he never says anything aggressive, as in threats of violence.

Sober: he avoids confrontation at all cost.
Me in general, am quite a confident woman, I have lived away from since 16, ex military and work in an environment where I have to really be able to look after my self.

When he is drunk and this way inclined I feel I become quite keen and timmid, I try to avoid arguing back with him as he doesnt listen to me any way.

The last time (before the most recent) it got so bad my 14 year old son, went absaloutly mental, sticking up for me and threatened him, I left with my to son's and stayed in a hotel until everything calmed down, when I returned I told him I was leaving him but he convinced me to stay.

This time, 5 days ago, I again accepted his apology, but don't know if I've actually forgiven him, it keeps playing over and over in my mind, to the point where tonight, I have woke up with a start, heart racing actually crying and struggling to breath as I had a dream that he got drunk and was that violent he cracked my cheack bone and made my face bloody, although I don't think he would ever hit me, subconsciously I must have some concerns.

I don't want to be 33 and be divorced again, I really love him, but have lost so much respect for him, on our honeymoon he got so drunk he stood in the street and wet himself, and various things that make me cringe as well as the shouting.
I'm at a loss I really am, what do I do?

Hi @Justascaredcat I was googling to see what other situations people had been in similar to mine.

I have had the same problem, my husband is great and we have a really good life, aside from when he drinks.
Sometimes his mood is brilliant when he drinks, sometimes it’s awful! Very similar to what you describe and makes me feel so awful and helpless. He can never remember the next day and says things like ‘you know I wouldn’t have meant that’ which I know he does but it’s hurtful at the time coming from the person that’s meant to be the one you rely on for everything.

Problem now is that I’m 22 weeks pregnant,’he was a total dick at Christmas staying out late and not being considerate, he even offended my aunty on Christmas Day and my dad was pissed off (he normally worships my husband) so I told him what has been said and how much he was hurting me. He’s now given up drinking for 6 months,
I think my dads comments really got to him and I he fact we have our first baby due in May! (One that wasn’t easy to conceive and we had a real journey to get here).

Could you suggest something similar to your husband perhaps? If he knows you’ve threatened to leave he must know you mean business? Xx

Can you record him and show him the next day.
Is it a specific amount that tips him over the edge?
I used to have a friend that could have a couple but that one extra and she just went from normal to a fucking nightmare in minutes.
I have a niece who is the same.
Just vile to everyone around her but she can handle a few. Just that extra bit and she changes.
See if he has a 'tipping point'!

Hiya helensss,

Thank you for your message, I'm sorry to hear your sorrow, especially when this should be such a happy time for you, it sounds like thing are on the up though.

Do you know what you are having??

after I typed this message on here I shared it on to the relationship page as blog of my own, as saw this was a zombie post. I had a mixed review from people being really supportive to people judging me for staying with someone like that, however I valued all the feed back as I feel some of it I needed to hear, Monday was a tough day for us both as we talked and cried for hours, he tipped all the alcohol in the house down the sink, apologised like mad, saying he's never mean to make me feel like that, it isn't him yarder yarder yarder, he really made me feel like we were moving positive, he even called the AA, they advised someone would call him Tuesday to discuss the options with him, as they felt he wasn't alcohol dependant just had a bad relationship with alcohol.

How ever yesterday, when they called he never answered the phone, I was upstairs and could here is ring and he hasn't mentioned it!! I fear it was all just lip service!! We jave both gone back to work today, so I highly doubt he has called them, so I suppose we see what the future holds, but mark my words he doesn't buck up, he's out!!!!

Xx

Married over 20 yrs & hate his drinking, comes home and is just plain nasty to me after drinking & tells me how bad I am, don't do anything together ...

I agree with the lady who moved to her mums to get away from her drunk husband I too had to move to my mums but she died now I am in a worse position then before no home no relationship no hope really

Hi all

I’ve been married for a year and a half. My husband is absolutely caring and loving. He really looks after me but when it comes to having too much to drink he changes into some arrogant guy. I can’t take it anymore it’s too much for me. I won’t even say anything whilst he’s drunk and starts saying things to others around us that I’m being horrible and he can’t drink around me when I literally don’t say anything. Then he starts saying i don’t love him and blames me for stuff I’ve not done. Then when I say why are you saying these things he goes I never said anything. Then the next day he tries to apologise. It’s too much for me and I can’t take it anymore. It’s affecting me and I get chest pains. I feel lost and don’t know who to speak too. Sorry for the negative message. Just so drained by this

@Arseholehusband

He is a cock I can't explain in much more detail. He goes from sober to absolutely drunk in a very short time. I think his family have a problem with metabolising alcohol as I know his uncle is the same.

I'm like this OP. I go from sober to pissed in about three sips and it's because I'm allergic, I think. I'm always sick as well which is embarrassing. I've stopped drinking as I was such a nob drunk. I'm wondering if you can speak to him about it and ask him to cut down at least or stop drinking spirits if they affect him more.

I know that if my partner asked me to cut down or stop because I was horrible to them and it made them unhappy, I would.

I relate to this so much. My partner likes a drink but every now and again he turns into a dick and we majorly fall out. The next day he is mortified by his behaviour. One thing we discovered is it is what my partner drinks. Do some things make him worse? Eg spirits vs beer? It’s so difficult when it’s every fortnight but you should find out if he actually enjoys it. If so it’s not very reasonable to get him to stop especially when you like to have a drink every now and then too. If he doesn’t like it maybe you could find other ways for him to enjoy himself like music etc. It’s such a difficult thing because they don’t realise they are being an arse, the drink creates a different person

Hi interesting reads here. I have been married 30 years. No sex for three years - his doing and an arse when out with friends as gets drunk and verbally abusive. We get on well as friends and he is a good father to my boys who are adults.

I totally get where you
Are coming from, my DH was like this for many years - and was slowly getting worse. He used to be like 2 totally different men. He used to drink quite a bit and had no 'off' switch with alcohol tho so he was probably an alcoholic. I started to notice him change after 2-3 drinks even, he was so mean sometimes, it got to the point when if he opened a bottle of wine I would go straight to bed! He's ruined occasions like weddings for me as well. I couldn't bear it and I became over sensitive to it too. Worst bug was he couldn't remember it or notice it himself or even believe me....until one day something just clicked in him and he stopped drinking full stop!

Thank you - that’s interesting. We had a very frank conversation yesterday and I have said when we go out with friends you either drive or don’t come. He then talked about all the lovely times we have with friends when he doesn’t get drunk. He knows I’m not having it anymore so we shall see x

Wow you're really helpful