would anyone be able to help me with a bit of navel gazing over a conflict i have had please?

[Jeoffrey]

Gah!

Its a bit of an AIBU really, but 'Relationship' style responses

I am not sure whether I can trust my judgement atm/any more. Some experiences I have had have left me in a place where I worry that my perspective is skewed. So would really appreciate some objective opinions please

Some body said something which I interpreted to be potentially offensive. I didnt understand why they had said what they said, in the context it was said...and my logic, could only come up with the route as being in prejudice.

I explained to that person how i had heard their comment and why I found it potentially offensive. The person said I had misunderstood. I agreed and asked them to explain. I was still confused after the explanation and asked for further clarity. The reply was that no offense had been intended and that if I had read anything negative into what was said then that was my issue and not theirs. I disagree/disagreed strongly with this and explained why...because I think this is exactly how prejudice and/or bullying is excused in school/the work place. The issue should be with the person who is causing offence.

Anyway....the person became angry and said they were comfortable with themselves/their thoughts; they didnt care what my opinion of them was and didnt want to discuss it further.

I fully accept that they dont care what my opinion is and that they dont want to discuss it further. But in a professional capacity, is there not a bit of an obligation to deal with misunderstandings like this even if you think the person is being ridiculous?

Also....did I push it too far? I wonder now if I should have left it, when the first explanation was given, and not asked for further clarity?

AND how do you judge, whether your reaction is valid, or due to personal ishoos?

Thank you, thank you, if you have waded through that and feel inclined to offer me any advice

'being an idiot'

He was saying people consider black people to he violent. You called him on it, he tried to cover up.

I would have taken massive offence at that mnemonic even before the suspected racist explanation!

(and I'm not even a granny yet)

Does sound like nonsense reasoning.

I dunno people say all sorts of filler type waffle that doesn't make any sense at all. I know I do then think WTF at myself sometimes.

As before I think you can only really give him the benefit of doubt this time.

I can sort of think of a thought process he might have had but I can't explain it so have given up trying.

His explanation would make sense if the mnemonic was Run Over Your Black Granny Because She's Violent but it wasn't.

The man's a prat, not funny or clever, you were right to challenge him. Suspect his anger was to cover up embarrassment.

This is reassuring that I am not a fruit-loop, then
It's a bit disappointing if I am correct tbh. It would be nicer if there was a reasonable explanation

waffley do you mean my thinking was nonsense, or his?

I'd be tempted to leave this up and let the stupid man find it OP!

I assume the aim was to get you to remember the mnemonic. It may be offensive or shocking, but that could be part of the plan to make you remember it (compared to the other Richard of York...).

The comment afterwards just seems an off topic ass covering exercise because he knows the mnemonic could be offensive. Hence the: if she said it, so can I. The reference to gender or race of the teller is non-relevant and even more offensive.

He didn't need to add that comment, by doing so became in the wrong, tried to cover and justify it, couldn't and got deffensive/used his power to brush it off.

Considering you aren't overly offended by it, in your position I would brush it off as him making a daft mistake.

Sorry but I think you are being a bit precious. People who go around looking to be offended and having a go over silly-but-harmless remarks do more harm than good.

Was he maybe trying to acknowledge that women and black people are the members of our society who have most often been the butt of inappropriate jokes, and they therefore have a more finely tuned radar for inappropriate jokes themselves; therefore if he had heard a black female teacher use that mnemonic, then he trusted her judgement that it was not offensive? Or something?

"he had heard the new rhyme used by a black teacher in a multicultural school. And if she could get away with it, then he could"

That's a really, really weird explanation for that mnemonic.

I'm not sure if necessarily it comes from the idea that black people are more violent. It does betray some really dodgy thinking though. My feeling is that he's almost certainly right wing, fairly small minded and lacking in experience of multicultural settings or non-white friends. For him, a "black teacher in a multicultural school" perhaps represents "loony left", political correctness, and he was trying to say that if even someone as PC as the woman in his example can say it, then he should be able to - or something like that. That kind of reasoning is horseshit, obviously, but possible perhaps?

The explanation you've given is just as ridiculous, logic-wise, but slightly more sinister as it betrays racism, even if subconscious. I dunno. It's totally nonsensical either way!

I agree with broccolirocks "The man's a prat, not funny or clever, you were right to challenge him. Suspect his anger was to cover up embarrassment."

Well done for challenging him.

I am not looking to be offended SGB

Balloonslayer people in rl, have arrived at an explanation similar to yours. I'm totally listening to that as an explanation

3feethighandrising I think he is left wing. He doesn't come across as small minded, but I don't know about his social life or life experiences. He did say later on in the day that part of his job is breaking down stereotypes....as to further demonstrate that I had misunderstood him

Ah, I am showing my prejudices then! It's a really odd thing to say, I don't understand it

I agree that it's probably something like balloonslayer and threefeet say.

I think it might have been an internal joke that can't really be explained and the words on their own don't make sense without the internal dialogue.

I think it was right of you to challenge it though as I can understand that knowing that people do sometimes equate being black with violence would make you wonder what he was getting at.

Oh, sorry I was agreeing with what threefeet quoted more than the rest. Though I agree with some of that too.

Jeoffrey I am rather a fan of Red Dwarf and I think I remember reading that Craig Charles got the part of Lister when he asked to audition after reading the script.
He was reading the script because the writers were worried that the character of The Cat might be seen as racist and asked him, as a black man, to read it and tell them whether it was or not. Presumably if anyone had objected to The Cat's character, they would have said "well we had it checked over by a black guy and he said it was ok . . ."

Not sure where I am going with this but it sprang to mind when I was typing my post earlier.