DP thinks I've got carpet burns on my knees

[Bobolbach]

It sounds so ridiculous this morning, but I'm so unsure of what I should say to dp when he wakes up I thought I would see what advice you could all give.

So not to drip feed too much, dp and I were having a talk about the state of our relationship last night. Things haven't been great for a while, mainly due to the fact we donothing together. We have 3 dc, and have just moved into a new conversion that we've been working on for years. He's always busy doing his stuff or working away whilst I do everything with dc.

Tbh, I think his drinking has a huge amount to play in our problems, although he has cut back lately.

We don't have a good sex life, probably because I'm so bloody tired all the time and I hate sex when he's been drinking, which is most nights.

He'svin a cycle of drinking because he's stressed with dc and or me and then I avoid contact with him and so it continues.

All of this, although makes me unhappy when he's drinking is sortable ( I think). He's made real progress with cutting back and all other stuff can be worked out by refocusing on our relationship and not living such seperate lives.

Anyway, during this discussion last night, he commented onsome dry / rough skin on my knees, asking what it was. It is just dry and rough as I can't be bothered to moisturize and spend a fair amount of time on my knees playing with ds2 and cleaning.

Then he asked if I was having an affair, to which I replied who the hell did he think I would be seeing as I do nothing and don't go out unless it is something to do with the dc. I knew what he was drving at, but played dumb to see what he said. Nothing more was said until we wereboth in bed and I was dropping off.

That's when he asked again what it was on my knees. Again I said it was hard/dry skin. Then he said it's just like the Amy Winehouse song, no good. When I asked what he meant he replied, look it up in the morning.

I've just done that and it's all about getting caught cheating.

All the other relationship stuff aside, and I do realise we need to do some major work to get back on track, how angry would you be if your dp came out with this?

I can't say anything more about what it is, and can't decideif I should be laughing about it as it is so rridiculous and leave it, or be apoplectic with rage.

Tbh, my head is a bit of a mess. Don't know if this is the straw that breaks the camels back or if it is something I should just drop.

Thanks for all the messages of support. It really means a lot.

Well, had a super day out with dc. Swimming, lunch, cinema and the fairground. Got home at roughly bed time.

When we got back he made a big show that he tidied the dc bedrooms (weren't even that messy) and cleaned the bathrooms. Then spent about 30 mins being good daddy, no shouting etc. Even came upstairs to kiss ds goodnight. Then when I came downstairs he asked why I didn't give him a kiss when I left this morning. When I said it was because if the knees / Amy Winehouse fuckwittery, his answer was 'well, they're your knees. Look at them'

I was then interupted by ds, so I have no bloody idea what that comment meant.

After that, he jumped in the shower and has gone to the pub. Apparently he won't be late....

No doubt, he'll be moaning that all he has done all day is clean whilst I've been out enjoying myself.

Do you know what I noticed today. Families. Bloody loads of them. I can't remember the last time we all went to the cinema together. I'm not even sure if he's ever been with the dc. The oldest is nearly 8. That is just fucking sad isn't it?

Going for a long soak in the bath now. My head is wrecked.

He's torturing you. He's doing it for fun. His head isn't wrecked, trust me. He's gone off to the pub happy as Larry that you will be grinding this round and round in your head miserable as sin.

He's not a very nice person. This is what he is. Is this the life you want?

Sorry you're having this on your plate. Alcohol seems to do this, it makes nasty people worse. My xp also seemed to think that running after the kids made me sex mad, and that anytime I went out of the house it had to be for affairs (yes, i'm exaggerating, but only a bit)
If he wont address his alcoholism, there isn't much hope of a happy family life I'm afraid.

You sound like you're fine when he's not around and that maybe you don't even like him any more? The kids will pick up on the drinking and inevitable mood swings. Leaving may not be as bad as you think...

There is a recognised psychiatric condition 'delusional jealously' often associated with alcohol misuse and it sounds a lot like your 'd'h has it.
His reasoning is in no way rational.
The danger is that if he becomes very convinced he might decide to act on it and even get violent.
I think you know what you should do.