Best to end this friendship?

[Nonalphamum]

I've known a friend a few months, we met through our youngest children. All was fine at first and she was very enthusiastic to meet up all the time and to be friends. She still is, but I've noticed she is doing a few disrespectful things to me now and warning bells are sounding.

They are things like arranging to meet me, then turning up an hour late, saying nothing about lateness, and spending our meet talking on her phone.

Arranging to meet me then springing it on me once we've met that she 'only has half an hour' as she is meeting other friends too. Often it's when we've planned to do something that would take a whole afternoon and it feels like my time is wasted.

Not listening to me at all and just talking about herself. Making small subtle put down comments.

Whenever we do anything spending her time texting and talking to others on her phone.

Her child has also started saying and doing some low level mean things to my child when we meet, such as telling him to shut up all the time or that he's got an ugly face. She never says anything to her ds about this.

I don't know what to do. Our children are soon starting school together, and I don't want an atmosphere but I don't want to tolerate it as her behaviour is turning into a replica of early days behaviour of an ex friend who just got nastier and more disrespectful. How can I cool things?

Also if I am ever late to her house by 2 minutes or something she gives me a really hard time about it

Oh yes. Bin her.

You really don't need this crap.

She's seeing if you're a doormat.

Show her the answer is no!

Just be more unavailable. She sounds awful.

Don't you challenge her on her lateness or her child's behaviour?

I very much enjoyed MadBusLady's post in this thread, and you might too. Not so much a self-esteem thing but as a general way of living www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1787357-How-to-improve-self-esteem

How can I challenge her nicely on her lateness? I have a feeling she would chuck a right old tantrum if I did

Well she'd only do it once wouldn't she because you'd never be in her company again. Look - you don't need this soul sucking user in your life. Dump her. There'll be loads of opportunities to make new friends when your DS starts school. Let someone else take her on and you find some nice friends!

You don't need her in your life. If she gets angry if you challenge her then so what. She really doesn't value you.

I think in general OP, don't challenge her on anything right now, just make yourself unavailable and gradually phase her out.
Sometimes people are 'thrown together' in the early days of having children, just because the children are small and it's a good way to keep them entertained, but when all that is stripped away, there isn't really the basis of a friendship there.

If she says anything, just say you got the impression she wasn't as into the friendship any more (cite the lateness, the texting and the putdowns) so you wouldn't want her to feel forced into it.

Phase her out, yes. She is rude and doesn't care about you at all. I'm not saying that to hurt you btw - you don't deserve to be treated like this. You went into it in good faith.

It's soooo not worth it.

It's a no brainer. Especially after being friends only a few months, there's not much invested. Bin her.

So what if she did? It's ok for her to challenge you but not for you to call her on her actions?

Even more reason to be pissed off, don't you think?

Lateness - vote with your feet!
You are not obliged to hand over chunks of your day to this person, only for them to waste it.

Don't be a mug. If she chucks a shit fit because you won't be rubbished, then she is no good.

I read some wise words on a thread somewhere (but I can't remember who said them) that helped me rethink some things to do with friendship and other interactions. It was very simply to remember to be on your own team, eg OP, be on team nonalphamum . It's not about being selfish, it just means be your own supporter and value yourself, especially when other people aren't. I'm not explaining it at all well and I wish I could remember the thread!

Agreeing with the other posts.
Just phase her out.
You don't need to say anything or have a fall out, just be busy and vague when she mentions meeting up.

dump her - no need to be nasty but just be busy if she wants to arrange anything. Don't let her treat you like this - her issues don't have to be your issues.

Is really is better to spend time in your own company than with shitbags like this.

Turning up an hour late?!

Nobody hangs around for someone for an hour.

Vote with your feet. If she has a go at you for not waiting, well, so what? Let her.

She's really annoyed me this morning now; I went to preschool drop off and she was chatting to someone else. I said hello and she just looked at me. So I went in, dropped DS off and when I got out she was still talking to that person so I just walked past them both and again was ignored. I got to my car and the other person had gone and she then started calling me and expected me to stand and chat to her. I just said "See you later" and got in my car and drove off.

Sounds fair enough Nonalpha.

Well done . This stuff isn't easy, is it?

Btw I've just been inspired to clear some stuff out of my house that was reminding me of a friendship that went wrong. It's off to the charity shop and no longer making me feel sad whenever I see it. So thank you!