orginal thread - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1156026-I-dont-know-what-to-do
Hi everyone.
First of all i would like to thank each and every person who advised me on my original thread. It has been nearly 3 years since i posted it and i wanted to give a proper update. Also i know just how awful it is trying to decide if leaving is the right choice and want other women to know that it will be ok.
I did eventually leave my ex partner. i am now 21, have a beautiful 3 year old, a lovely long term home, and live a positive life. It wasnt easy getting to where i am. And more than likely there is still a very long way to go. but right now i am happy. and more importantly, my son is too.
I'm not going to lie, when i first left it was hell. i wont go into details but myself and my ex ended up going through court which was a very long and winding road. Fortunately, once things had settled (it took a about 18months!) i managed to convince my ex to do things ourselves in the best interests of our son.
Finding the courage to leave my ex was a massive step. Like a lot of women i was in denial about a lot of things. and at that point in my life i still had demons of my own i was fighting. but i did it. yes it very fucking terrifying and i questioned it a couple of times. but things have turned out better than i could have ever imagined.
my son has regular weekly contact with his father (including overnight) and his family. they have maintained a strong father-son relationship throughout. myself and my ex are on good terms, which allows my son to spend time with both of us without arguments.
both me and my ex are in new relationships. both of us are genuinely happy. we all get along very well and maintain a good friendship. both mine and my ex's partners are now a part of our sons life, and my son has two new families that think the world of him.
I, myself, have gone through a lot of soul searching over the past couple of years. for once in my life i have became the person i always wanted to be, instead of what i thought others wanted me to be. i have attended the necessary mental and physical health appointments and i am happy to say that my past no longer haunts me. I also discovered that i have (and always have had) a medical condition which added greatly to my past depression/anxiety. I have since been on medication for said condition and i am currently living a very much happier life - mentally and physically.
My son is a very happy little boy, who enjoys spending time with both his parents/families. we all love him dearly and i am proud of the person he is growing to be.
My advice to any other parent wondering whether to leave or not is to trust your gut instinct. it is there for a reason. yes, it is scary. yes, shit may hit the fan for a while. but... long term? it is so much better for everyone involved.
once again thank you so much to everyone who helped me. and to anyone who is going through the same situation i did... you will be okay :)