Being honest with DH

[Lovemyfamily]

The is really embarrassing for me to ask this but I do not know how to be honest without affending or hurting my DH,
I've feel that when my DH and I make love he doesn't make an effort with his personal hygiene, and it puts me off having sex. he enjoys me especially going down on him and as did I but I try to avoid it know, I get strong urine smells from him whilst down there along with other smells, and it puts me off, I feel really vain and awful saying this.
I think he feels I am not attracted to him anymore which I am I just can't bring myself to explain that,,
See certain smells also take me bk to when I was being abused by my step father, and its like a switch gets flicked on and I instantly switch off all those intimate parts n feelings, and I can't control it either?
I have tried to explain this before and it was ok for a bit?

Personal question and I'm very sorry but is sex pleasurable for you? Between worrying about smells and bleeding it doesn't sound nice. Does it hurt?

Euro, that's exactly how I see it too, And that's exactly how I am, if he hints and I'm up for it I'd get myself ready, make sure legs are shaved, smell free etc! And I don't hesitate, but he doesn't really care tbh, if my legs are shaved or not?
I get a bit annoyed he doesn't make the same effort for me and it does put me off,, the fact that I have to use lots of spit to try and reduce the taste n smell of urine I feel is unfair!
Why should I try if he can't be bothered so to speak?
He took it so personal last time around and I did ask very lightly explaining that certain sweaty manly smells do trigger a switch of button on me, maybe your right maybe I was just too light on it?
Doing the ‘job' doesn't give me flashbacks its the smells I don't gets flashbacks its almost like that part of my body closes up and my Brain shuts away from it? It's hard to explain,, I have seen a councillor.

Sex with DH is yes, he's very giving and gentle in all ways, but its not always pleasurable for me every time,it does hurt on deep penetration which the gyno know's about too, and does DH as he tends to ask if I'm ok all the time, I do enjoy making love to my DH, it's just the things in between that make it uncomfortable, ie his smells, relating smells, pain, worry over my bits etc?

I would say even if he does shower in the morning, if he's been working all day, then he probably will smell a bit, especially if he's been sitting in a car or a train for a long time. I find it hard to understand why he's so defensive when you just ask him to freshen up. Perhaps you do need to be more blunt, but from your further posts you definitely need to go and see the doctor again and get everything sorted. I think he's being very selfish. he should understand, especially given your history.

How about if he asks if he smells when you mention a shower, saying I'm sure you don't but I'm equally sure you wouldn't want anything that might be there to trigger a flashback for me would you? Then neither of us had any fun!

X posts. I think you should say, bluntly, "go and have a shower". He should be doing this, anyway, if he's been out for hours.

So he does make some effort, still sounds tense and painful rather than a happy frolic. I worry that if your fears about him flirting are groundless, he nevertheless is making you think he's feeling hard done by, or infers you aren't keeping him happy. If he is actually giving women the glad eye, might he excuse any 'carry on' by saying you drove him to it.

Btw would it ever cross his mind you might flirt with other men who could possibly pay more attention to being clean and fresh smelling for a sexual partner?

Strop, that could be a good idea,?

I think that his frustration maybe the cause of him being a bit selfish but I can see him trying...

I have asked him if we can have a heart to heart tonight and also asked him to not take things so personally as an insult, just hoping it works?

Donkeys that's the way I was seeing it for a while, but Was then stuck with the decision of do I trust my DH and put those feelings aside or carry on creating more problems as it was doing, he had said I need to trust him he would never do anything to hurt me.. And I believe him.. I just worry about the other woman maybe try to Persu it?
I see it know as being a carry on to make him feel better that he's not in attractive as he says my rejection made him feel?

Unfortunately not showering IS unattractive! Flirting to make yourself feel better because having to shower makes you feel rejected isn't on really.

But you didn't reject him did you, you are having sex, sometimes to the extent deep penetration makes you bleed, I'd hope by now that calmly voicing a preference for something whether it's matter of position or timing or privacy or cleanliness between partners shouldn't be seen as outright denigration.

OP, I think you need to have a proper sit down chat with him and be really clear. For a long time I absolutely recoiled about kissing my husband if he had any facial hair. I was sexually assaulted when I was younger and then man had a beard - I'd got to the point that any kissing with any facial hair was a trigger for me and I just shut down. I finally spoke to DH and we had a really long heart to heart. That was the first time I'd told anyone about the assault! He knows, he just knows now and is really scrupulous about shaving. I wonder, as well, if you should go back to your GP/gynae, as bleeding for weeks after sex doesn't sound right.

Poor you.

I think you should tell him about the infections and the fear of infections, and of course the flash backs.

I am a bit surprised by his behaviour on the flash backs I must say. What bout your needs?

If my DH said that he is afraid of heights, I would not ask for regular trips to Alton Towers.

On a lighter note, what about shower sex? It can be quite fun.