DM and DF Relationship

[OneToThree]

Just pondering really.

Can a relationship be described as EA if it doesn't bother the other person much. Eg sulking and being unreasonable when answering questions or requests?

Will come back to this at lunchtime.

Well its still emotional abuse whether the reciever of ut knows it is happening or not.It much not bother thek but it still is.Are they so used to it they think its normal?Being put down does do damage,you can pretend its sticks and stones and that malarky but the person is fooling themselves.

And what am i writing!it might not bother them lol

Thanks for reply.

I think it bothers me more that it doesn't bother her iyswim.

If my dh reacted the way df does to things then it would be a real issue. My dm just says that it doesn't bother her and that he's just a bit odd.

Oh well they've been together 42 years so can't really see much changing.

I don't understand how it can not bother her? Each to their own, every couple works differently

Usually lurk on MN but this struck a cord...

My DF is horrible to my mum (and everyone else). He's very moody, aggressive, impatient, drinks alot and just rude and obnoxious most of the time. He is a big sulker. It's all about him and whatever drama he's dwelling on. They have been together 45 years and I think my mum has had to grow a very thick skin almost to the point of emotional shut off. I can't even talk to her about it as she
either changes the subject or totally defends my dad which is frustrating.

OP I think it bothers me more than it does her. Not sure if you can change anything after so long?? My mum just says "you know what he's like" and ignores him as best she can.

I on the other hand can't stand it and try to detach as much as possible. It happened all the way thru my childhood and adulthood so that now I tolerate the phonecalls but it's hard (we live abroad). It's hard to detach and not feel guilty about abandoning her with him but it was her choice to stay and put up with him.

Sorry for the long ramble - I have ishoos can you tell?!?

Mine is not as bad as that as my df can be very kind, helpful but on his terms.

I do remember growing up though, I used to go to bed thinking they will tell me and my dsis in the morning that they're getting a divorce!

It makes me quite conscious to not argue in front of dc all the more.

My DM and DF had a dreadful relationship too, married 45 years. DF now passed on, and DM has not looked back since, which is kind of sad but good for her to be out of that misery!!

DF was a negative, moody, and at times nasty person who would put everyone down. DM was lighthearted when he was not around and never openly complained about him. She put up with so much crap and still raised 4 kids, I don't know how she did it!!

Because of DFs attitude he had very few friends and DM kept her own friends separate. So that even meant separate holidays and they had no social life together at all!!!

He gave her a lot of grief about money and I don't understand why she stayed with him, especially after all kids had left home, but she did.

It was a toxic environment to grow up in. Sadly, my dsis is in a similar marriage and I have issues with my mine because what you grow up with seems 'normal' iyswim.