Is it OK to call my mum a lying cow...

[GiveItYourBestShot]

...even though she's been dead for years?

I grew up as the fat one in the family. That's how she described me and it has shaped my relationship with food. I've been looking at old diaries - doing a lot of head work at the moment! - and I was just short of 12 stone at about 5 ft 11.

That doesn't sound particularly fat, does it?

I think rather than ask whether 12stone is fat or not, you need to ask how to get rid of those food issues if you still have them.

My friend has dieted on and off all her adult life, she diets, reaches her ideal weight, then goes back to (what is for her) normal eating, puts on 3 stone, diets again and so on and so forth.

Apparently her (also dead) father once told her off for having second helpings at the table. She puts her food issues down to that.

I am about the same height as you, and when I weighed 11 stone something I was constantly dieting. And looking at photos I was certainly slightly overweight. Not fat, have never been fat, but at 5ft 10 my ideal weight is about 10 and a half really.

Meant to add, another friend of mine also amazon-tall weighed loads more than me, but was all toned and sporty so always looked much better, so I think it depends on how the weight is spread out, if its muscle etc etc.

Good advice, but to me the issues are rooted in being told I was the fat one - so I live down to it. Did your friend manage to break the cycle?

I had/have the same with my dad. What upsets me is that no-one ever challenged him.

My mother just sits and watches others being crappy to me.

I don't talk to him now. Had enough of his negative soundtrack to my life.

I'm 5'3, 11.5 stone, size 12, people are always jawdrop shocked when they find out my weight (generally they assume I am 1-2 stone lighter). Your weight so depends on your bones, muscles, etc, it's not something to get hung up on.

Eliminate the word 'fat' from your entire vocabulary. Are you healthy? Do you eat well? Do you exercise? 'Yes's to those questions are soooooo much more important.

P.S. Consider carefully what sort of person calls their child 'fat' and ask yourself why you'd listen to their opinion anyway

Sadly, no-one tells a child that when their parent pulls them to pieces..they just believe it.

Thanks, mardy - good words. And a hug to Hissy, it sounds like we have the same challenges to work through.

Cheers love! Hug gratefully appreciated!

I'm getting there, we'll all get there.