(long - sorry)
It's my birthday tomorrow. We bake a fair bit in this family and birthdays are the perfect time to get out the flour and sugar and make a mess. My wife asked if I wanted a cake made (answer yes please!) and what type so that she can get the ingredients during the day. (She works from home).
I'm a night owl so I search around online when she was in bed and find something that looks really nice: quite delicate but very tasty.
Now for background, her cooking philosophy is that you should be pleased with whatever you get because someone has taken the time to do it for you. Although I agree entirely that the effort should be acknowledged and appreciated (and it is - and verbally conveyed) I have a very different approach to cooking. I eat with my eyes just as much my mouth. The look of the food is a huge part of the eating experience. I am the first to admit if something I have made does not meet my own expectations - both in a culinary and visual sense - and am first to admit disappointed in my own fo-pars. If I see a nice picture in a recipie book that makes me want to cook it, I aim to achieve the picture in the book as best I can. (forget Heston's!)
My wife has never really been 'into' food or cooking. Food to her is just a thing we have to do to get us through the day.
(ps. I do most of the cooking at home for me and the 2 kids and have done for years. Wife has her own dietary needs that dont work well for the rest of us)
On previous occasions that my wife has cooked for me (cakes or otherwise), I (we) have honestly been told "that'll do" as it is being served. Not really the kind of thing you want to hear when you receive a 'gift'.
So with this in mind, and it being my birthday and-all, I emailed her the recipe link together with this:
"To convey in the nicest possible way..... I really do eat with my eyes. Can you please do your very best to make them look as perfect as in the photo. They look yummy. ..!!!
Thank you
Love you
X"
She wakes much earlier than me, read the email when she got to her desk, and had at least 20 minutes of me making and eating breakfast later in the morning to comment (good or bad) on the email. Nothing. Kissed wife goodbye and went to work.
As I got in van to come home for lunch (lucky I know), I checked my phone messages and read this reply:
"I really don't understand why you felt it necessary to make that comment. I am offering you a gift of a homemade cake and you are telling me how that gift should be presented - rather than just enjoying it.
I know you think you are being reasonable and that you tried to put it in the nicest possible way - but it comes across as very disrespectful and ungrateful.
I am happy to make you a cake, I want to make you a cake and I will make it as best I can. It is up to you how you choose to show your appreciation. My advice is to be profuse and to avoid any more backhanded criticisms."