feeling a little bit like am going mad...

[toinfinityandmaybeabitbeyond]

First time posting, so sorry if don't get abbreviations right. Feel sick to stomach that OH might be lying to me, about what I don't know - have nothing in particular to attribute this to, so feel like am going insane trawling through various threads here. We've been together over 10yrs and everything has been great until about 10wks ago when he suddenly seemed quite distant. Know he's worried about money, but surely it can't just be that?
Can't talk to anyone in RL about this as most of my close friends happen to also be family and I don't want to get them involved with how I'm feeling. As it is they always seem to think we have such a perfect relationship... I have tried talking to him but he just says everything is fine and he doesn't know what I'm talking about. We have 2 young children and have had bumpy patches before but somehow they just clear up - this uneasy feeling just seems to be staying this time and I can't explain it. What can I do if he won't open up to me? Sorry, for long post...

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wouldn't underestimate how much money worries can affect people.

Could your financial situation be worse than you think? I would sit him down and tell him you KNOW something's up and that his saying everything is fine when you know it isn't is making your imagination run riot.

Thanks AIFEG, it's good to know am not totally alone. He has just started his own business so work hours etc all seem quite eratic and with this he seems to be constantly glued to his phone. Ashamed to say have looked at it but can't seem to see anything dodgy...

How good are you both at communicating together?

Does sound like he is under a lot of stress with work, could you tell Him you have noticed he is under pressure and you would like to help but you need him to talk to you so you can support him?

My DH went through a few weeks of stress when he changed his job, I did his ironing and made sure things were calm and organised at home during that time - I never iron for him and I'm the messiest out of the two of us so this was appreciated by him and now sadly missed by him!

Could it be work stuff that's bothering him? New business must be stressful and if it's your own there is huge pressure to make it a success. It doesn't sound like there is anything that makes you suspicious of an affair and if it isn't sex I'd be inclined to think money.

Could you write him a note/email him asking what's up? Maybe he can't speak it but could write it?

We're both normally really good at communicating - as for ironing, there's no hope in hell of that happening!! Wouldn't write him a note, as this would be pretty weird for us. Have asked on more than one occasion if everything is alright and that he could tell me anything. He can't be that worried about money as we have my wage too - guess feel concerned because I received a call from his business partner to our home (as OH is sometimes there) which I found odd as OH said he was with his partner working on a job that day... did question him on it and he just said 'i know i thought that was a bit odd he did that' ??????WTH?

Curiouser and curiouser. I hope you get answers soon OP

Sorry it all sounds a bit odd :(

Can you do some more digging? Facebook, emails, mobile?

I think you need to listen to your instincts and do some digging..

I don't mean to sound blunt here but my first thought is that he's having an affair. I wouldn't ignore that gut feeling of wrongness. Unfortunately in my experience its never turned out to be nothing :(

Sorry but I am with Rose, chances are he is having an affair.

I was you a couple of years ago, I knew something was wrong but I didnt know what. He was distant but kept saying nothing was wrong. I found out, 5 weeks after our dd was born, that he was having an affair. I agreed to try again, and then a year later I got "that feeling" again, and guess what....?

Sorry, I wish that I could say that I thought it was money worries, but it isnt, and you know it isnt because otherwise you wouldnt be asking would you?

thanks everyone for your replies - am not intending on ignoring this feeling, it's making feel sick just thinking about it. Question is, how do I dig around? Know his phone & email passwords but there is nothing there - what now? Also, I checked his phone the other day and he must of known because I couldn't get it back to page he was on after looking at messages (not exactly good at sleuthing!) but he either didn't say anything or didn't notice - is that odd or am I clutching at straws? If I thought he'd checked my phone, I would have at least asked him?...

Second phone hidden in car?

Check internet history - for clues including hidden credit card/email etc accounts.

Check bank statements and mobile bills.

Toinfinitywhat did his business partner say when you said dp wasnt home? Did he seem confused?

I would have thought money worries until you said his colleague called home when they were supposed to be together. His explanation for that...well it wasn't an explanation?

Second phone in the car/van?

could check his car I suppose - internet history is no use as he deletes this and always has done every since I've known him. Frostybean - his business partner rang off before I got to phone, then tried calling him straight back and he didn't answer.... our accounts are joint ones and there's nothing there. So what do I do now? No history to look at online & phone access is hard...

Google "how to view deleted history" and it will bring up lots of ways to look at the history including temporary internet files etc, hopefully he doesnt delete his cookies as well, so that will make it easier.

thanks bogeyface...