Exam disappointment for DP

[SlumberingDormouse]

I'm wondering whether anyone has any advice on how I can support my DP at this time. He has just received his finals result which is pretty good, but which will probably not be good enough for him to do his desired Master's course next year. He is beating himself up and I am angry with him for not working harder. He is extremely bright (national level champion in an intellectual field - I can't say what exactly, as it would out us) - but he's lazy and struggles to apply himself. I think there's also an element of my own disappointment in this, as I struggled with personal problems at uni for 3 years and never got the first that I so desperately wanted. I know that I have not fully come to terms with my own results. I feel sure that my DP will be successful but right now it feels like the end of the world. Any advice?

OK, OP. Can he do his Master's at a later date? Is it CAT point dependent? Does he have people at Uni that he can speak to for some good advice on his options?

I failed an exam once - it floored me and I know how your DP feels. It is NOT the end of the world and there are always ways around the problem.

On the definite plus side is the fact that your DP was lazy - not underwater regarding ability (that is SO much harder to get around). I failed mine due to over-confidence. Net result the same - a fail. I swallowed my pride - so must your DP - and all will be well. He will not make the same mistake again so no need to beat himself up.

Give him a hug/kiss, tell him that this is nothing more than a 'blip' and that you're both going to have a 'wallow evening' - just ONE - and tomorrow he will ring the Uni and find out what's what.

He certainly can do his Master's at a different date, or at a different uni in fact. I suppose, like me, he's just not used to doing less well than expected. His parents are on his case as well. We're now waiting for the final decision on the Master's place...

Hopefully, this will be the wakeup that he needs; arrogance/laziness/whatever can exact a terrible price. Forget it for tonight and bash his ears again tomorrow. :)

Depending on the course, can he not do a post graduate certificate or diploma which is usually the first 1/3 and 2/3 of the masters respectively, but usually have lower entry requirements, then if he does ok he can complete the masters.?

I got an ok degree butnotquitegood enough for the masters I want. They have said they will accept me on the certificate course and allow me to progress if marks are satisfactory.

Thanks for the replies. We went to DP's graduation this morning which was obviously bittersweet but we managed to be happy and proud of his achievements. He will still be able to do a Master's but he may have to wait a year as he has now missed lots of the application deadlines for this year... It's not ideal, but far from the end of the world. However, he now seems to be fixating on the idea that he may have adult ADD/ADHD which could explain his worse-than-expected uni results. I am sceptical. Full thread is here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs_teens_and_young_adults/1790706-Adult-ADD-ADHD

He's still licking his wounds and feeling sorry for himself.

Depending on other aspects of your relationship I'd give him a bit of time to do that, then ask him what he's going to do about it.

Maybe he does have ADHD and maybe he doesn't. But it's not like you get a free life pass with the diagnosis so he'll need a plan either way.

And wrt organisation - lots of organised people are like that because they are actually very disorganised and they know they have to be if they want to get anywhere. and the rest are just smug

Thanks, that's very helpful advice for me to mull over. I know that in my case I became more organised when I became self-employed and HAD to be!