What my late Dad used to say to me 'jokingly' and I still fear it will come true.

[redrubyshoes]

I always got on with my Dad and he died two years ago. Throughout my childhood he used to 'joke' that 'I would end up a mad old bat alone in an attic'.

I am in a loving marriage with a kind, wonderful man and have been for many years but I still hold this 'fear' and it only since Dad died I have realised that I have modified my behaviour in relationships in case this comes true. I have many friends, a fantastic social life and have no real reason to fear this 'prophecy'.

I am not clingy or possessive and come across as quite confident (outwardly) and make friends easily and have had a wide circle of friends and have known them for years.

It is only lately that this is really praying on my mind. My parents never did compliments. I DO modify my behaviour and always smooth things over with friends if they fall out.

Today at work I really had to stand up for myself with some underhanded bullying from two colleagues who are trying to undermine me and have brought another colleague to breakdown level.

Rambling now - but today brought it home to me that I aim to please always and today I thought fuck it. I am not going to please and smooth over this you are going to get it straight back and I was stunned when this woman backed down and apologised.

Have I finally grown up?

Good for you standing up to those bullies! Pretty certain you can't end up as a mad old bat in an attic if you can make bullies apologise!

Being tough and well 'ard was never my forte.

Gosh. For me there are two issues.

One. Your Dad was wrong to say what he did. If I were you I would create a new association with that. Whenever you think of it, think next 'poor old Dad, I love him but he was wrong there. I am loved and loving, normal and happy' or something else. Maybe spend some time doing positive affirmations about yourself and your life.

Two. The sticking up for yourself issue. It is fine to be kind and assertive and stand up for yourself. It is not always pleasant to have to do it, and it goes round nd round your mind for a bit afterwards, but we all have to do it from time to time, so learn how to and then use that skill when required. All safe adults have to do this, welcome to the fold xx be wise but it is ok to be powerful and strong in the right circumstances x

Something

You just made me cry with being so bloody right. I have always backed down from confrontations and 'smoothed over' the incident.

My lovely colleague is soo overworked and I try to help (school with VERY difficult children) but this woman has pushed her over the edge and she is on the verge/having a nervous breakdown.

I stepped in (selfishly) to stand up for me and for her.

I just realised today that was the first time I looked someone in the eye and stood my ground. I was shaking afterwards but I did it. I am so bloody astonished it was so easy but now I am thinking 'I am turning into one of them?'

Bugger I am in a bit of a no man's land here.

One of whom? A bloody minded madam who stands up against wrongdoing?

There's labelling in there......where did it come from? Societal norms? Family positioning? Gender norms?

And what might be the perceived desire of those who want you to stay quiet, placid, silent?

Exactly. Have a good think all round the issue but it all points to one place. You do have to stand up against things at times, and sometimes completely alone in a room full of nay Sayers. And doing so is not wrong.

X

You have truly done the right thing in standing up to these people. And it does not turn you into one of "them". There is a difference between aggression and assertiveness. You have been assertive and WELL DONE YOU!! (waves pompoms, cheers etc) !!!