I'm just wondering if this life is mine ? I thot I was happy with husband of one year ( together 15). Two kids two dogs two cats. Jobs. But I'm so tired of trying so hard. I'm the only one trying here. I do everything at the end of the month I do the finances. Deal with kids shopping holidays. Cars. I write him notes. I tell him I love him. I ask him to go out to have a cuddle. Wat do I get back ??? Nothing. This seems like an exaggeration but it's not. Oh he washes the floors n feeds the pets. Woop woop. That's wat I want is it ?? He won't go out. He won't smile unless he is smoking. He won't play games with us. He is generally sooo depressing. Infanct I think I am depressed but you know it's him not me. Me I'm just tired. But wat to do I love him. No matter wat I do love him but really ? To spend any more years like this I know I will end up depressed on pills or cheating to have someone make me feel loveable again. Got a place in college I'm thinking I'm too old but how do I do it ? The kids n house need me too much. His face tells me he is happy for me but raging I'm doing something with my life. So wat do I do here ? Keep him happy or better myself. Again is this life ours ???