Just that really.
I had an Abusive relationship. Slapped round the face once. Pinched, pushed and pinned down, had my things broken, Forced into sex. Im sure he cheated, just couldnt prove it. Nasty things said about my DS, to me not to him, thank god for small mercies. (DS thought he was great, as did the rest of the world.)
He pulled me apart, my looks, my personality, my house, my clothes. Forced me to tell him everything about my past, otherwise would sulk and say I was keeping things from him, it would go on for days. So I told him, he would use it against me and twist it.
He enjoyed ripping me to shreds on a daily basis.
When he started on me, I was, At first I was slightly amused 
as it was so random and out the blue and just wellll.....so weird iykwim that I wanted to see WTF he was coming from, his thought process etc, why would someone say such weird things and re write history I wondered 
I'm not shy; I can hold my own against anyone really, I am not afraid to fight my corner and pull people up for there behaviour/lies.
This just made him fight harder......he started saying things about DS and the circs I had him (I was 18, his dad was 10yrs older, we were together for 5 years and married for 2 of those..,.but apparently I was still a irresponsible tramp )
Anyway I could go on and on, thank you for bearing with me.
But.....it's been six months since we split, I still get flashbacks and remember things, and I just get furious, so so angry. I completly lost myself to him. And I'm humiliated, I went along with his shit, I cried, and begged and tried to change for him, so he'd love me 'better if I was better'
I hate to picture his sneery face he made when he'd made me cry. I need brain bleach!
I'm just at a loss, as to how you move on, I find that I've believed everything he said, I don't feel like another man would ever want me 
And it makes me mad, he's just walked away Scott free, no consequences, nothing, probably hasn't thought about me since he left. Spinning some sob story to another girl about how mean and nasty I was and how she's saved him, he probably had another one lined up before he left.
I've accepted that he never loved me/even liked me. Just saw me as a thing. But it still hurts! Like hell.
Does this ever go? Will I be able to trust or love someone again. I dislike men at the moment, i see the bad in all of them (this is not right I know)
When will it end? What can I do? Sorry for the self pity. I just thought I'd be over it by now. I've redecorated, new job etc.
But now I'm just eating, and eating to fill the void I've had counselling, it did work on the whole, im 100% sure of that. it's like this part of me (what I've described above) is a secret part no one else sees.
Anyone else been here? Sorry for the essay!