Thanks for replying, I was feeling like a right billy-no-mates there.
I have had a quick look at the EA thread - a lot of it doesn't apply but some things do. I'm not sure it is his fault so much as how he is, but either way I am struggling with it. When I say he is tricky to be around, well I feel like a cow saying this, but it's just like living under a black cloud all the time. He is very insular and doesn't have any interests or friends outside the family, he is very good around the house, a bit too good really, as in I feel like he kind of does everything to sideline me if that makes sense?
Sounds crazy I know to complain about that, but its feels too much, it's suffocating, he wants to do everything in the house, and is the same with the kids on the parenting front, he kind of sidelines me, and if I say no it's fine I'll do that myself he gets really arsy with me. Physically things have always been completely crap, as in he shows little interest - this has made me feel crap and like I am not attractive. I recently lost weight (not for him, for me) and whilst that has made a big difference for me in terms of me feeling better about myself,and healthier, it has made no difference in that department. In truth though I'm past caring about/wanting that with him anyway.
Also, I can't get any privacy at home - not difficult, our flat is tiny - but if a friend phones up he gets really huffy if I chat on the phone with anyone for any length of time - he'll moan about 'oh not her again' or ask when I'm coming to bed.Just makes me feel really uncomfortable, like I'm doing something wrong. I never go out anywhere as it is other than taking the kids to school or to work. I don't have a social life here. He is supportive of me working, and he doesn't stop me going anywhere, but there's this disapproval thing with the phonecalls. I just don't get it.
He is really closed, if we talk it's about the kids but other than that there is no closeness. I can't tell him when I'm feeling sad or unhappy because he gets angry, like it's his fault. When all I want is to talk, for us to be close. It's like he can't deal with me having feelings let alone talk about them. It's as if I've got out of the habit of even knowing how I feel anymore, let alone being able to tell anyone. I don't have family around that I can talk to.
He is very moody which I find hard to live with. I like chatting with people and find that my mood is much lighter when he isn't around.
I told him the other day that I was depressed and unhappy and although I'm sure he must care he just doesn't seem to be able to express it so I feel like I can't tell him anything, I just feel uncomfortable. Even his own father has said frequently that he doesn't know how I put up with him, and his own sister acknowledges that he is 'hard work' as she puts it.
I don't think that he is a bad man at all, he really isn't, he is a good father a lot of the time but can also get really stressy and say things to the kids that I really do not like. He seems to think that if he is stressed then that excuses anything that he feels like saying. I don't think that's ok, especially not where kids are concerned.
There are other things but can't really list them all here without sounding like a right moaning cow.
I have tried to talk with him many many times but he won't discuss anything, he just verbally attacks, and avoids the issue, always. He is very closed and I have a lot of sympathy for that as I know he isn't a bad bloke, and that there must be a reason he is so closed up, but I just can't live like this anymore, I feel so lonely and starved of affection.
We have had time apart (he didn't seem that bothered about that either - that made me feel just great - he told his family I was 'depressed' and needed space - not true, I'd asked him to leave because we were arguing all the time and I was worried about the kids being around that, and I was deeply unhappy - it's like he won't take any responsibility for the relationship at all, won't even admit there's anything wrong, easier to say I'm having mental health issues) then he came back and nothing has changed (just co-parenting/living under same roof, nothing else going on there). I can't go on like this. It is dragging me down and making me deeply unhappy.
I feel like a cow saying all this but it's how it is. I could just really do with someone else's take on this, please, as I can't see the wood for the trees.