I feel like a mug

[FoxyM]

I have always been the better earner in the relationship and always knew I would go back to work full time after maternity leave. It's been a year now since being back at work and for last 9 months my husband has been out of work. He is waiting for one particular business venture which keeps getting delayed but in the meantime he is at home on Xbox or watching tv while I am at work. My son goes to nursery 2 days and then a day which each of our mums so its not like he has my son to look after full time. I just get so angry as he only does stuff around the house if I specifically ask him to, never off his own back. I am now really starting to feel like a mug, is this wrong of me? I've been so supportive of him and this potential venture but don't feel like I get any support back even when I'm having a horrible week at work. Feeling ready to snap now, any advice????

Have you ever had a discussion with him about expectations and timescales, along the lines of I hope that venture comes good for you, but what's the plan if it doesn't? What's your deadline for getting some sort of work?

I know a couple of men who have children, aren't working and have childcare/cleaners while doing next to no childcare or cleaning. For some reason I know no women with this set-up. Not a representative sample.

Have you considered no childcare? Why are you paying for nursery? If I have this right he has DC for one day alone...

Yes he has him for one day a week. I started him at nursery when we were both working and didn't want to disrupt him with stop start all the time but also didn't expect it to take this long. Also he loves it there and don't think he would get same stimulation if he was full time with husband.

I have had conversation and keep getting told to be patient! It just bugs me as he goes to gym etc and I would love time to do some of the things I want to do. I just feel exhausted and fed up with it all now

You know what you should do.. tell him to look after HIS child, if he doesn't like doing that, as it appears he doesn't, he may get a job - but I think your current situation is demonstrating a bigger problem. You are not a mug, you have just realised what is really going on here. Ok he was off for a while and looking for work ... but you know he isn't and it is possible to look after DC and look for a job I am sure the GP would step in while he goes for interviews etc. Who does the time routine just out of interest?

bed time routine that should of said sorry.

He is definitely making a mug of you :( Though I'm not sure what you can do about it, unless you are prepared to tell him to get a job now or leave...

The solution is not making him responsible for the care of your DS as it would not be as good as the care he is already getting and it isn't fair on DS.

What do the GPs think of looking after DS while DH sits on his arse playing video games? Would they say anything?

What do the evenings and weekends look like? OP runs around with broom up her arse looking after DS and doing everything.

I think you need to be firmer in your conversation.

You can't let him get away with fobbing you off. Not if it bothers you.
Pin him down. He could get a job now and jack it in if this other opportunity comes up. He could agree with you a reasonable time frame for this opportunity and agree to make efforts to find a job by a certain date.
He coukd agree what other reasonable contribution he could make to the household. For instance what could he spend 40 hours a week doing productively? Diy? Housework? Voluntary work?

I would then recommend taking the xbox cables and wifi router if you have it, to work with you.
Might provide a little motivation.