what does an argument look like for you?

[skatingonice]

Just that really, what does a normal argument look like for you (assuming not in an abusive relationship).

How does it start? how long does it last? do you make up? What does it consist of (shouting, raised voices)? Is it equal airtime or one sided? Etc...

Raised faces and snapping, but no name calling. More exasperation than anything.

Over very quickly (within a couple of minutes).

We rarely argue, it's usually over being too lenient on the kids (him), or the house being a bit messy (me).

Crying from me then silence cos I hate the arsehole. He makes me wanna sleep & never wake up. Starts because he is a tetchy twat who cannot take the slightest bit of criticism (and has a weed problem).

DP and I have yet to have a proper argument (we've only been together 14 months), but have had a couple of small rows. Involved minor raised voices, lasted a few minutes, quickly resolved and made up with a cuddle.

Dh does something / doesn't do something, I snap a bit, dh goes a bit sulky then apologises, all over in half an hour. Very rare too. Very occasionally dd has seen/heard one and her last comment was "oooh daddy, have you been told off" ooops

We only ever argue about politics and religion.

We had a fight last week which ruined a nice dinner out. We argued about what "belief in God" meant.

Lots of reasoned points which became more heated with statements like:
"I can't believe you would misconstrue what I just said"
"I'm only quoting word for word what came out of your mouth"
"That's so simplistic as to be laughable"
"Stop setting up straw men"
"Well of course if you take everything to its logical extreme you will always make me sound like an idiot"

Then "I don't want to talk about this any more." "yes i agree, change the subject"

Cue stilted distant conversation about nothing in particular ignoring elephant in the room.

Then semi-apology from each of us:
"Look I'm sorry I upset you but..."
"Well I'm sorry too but if you hadn't exaggerated what I had said..."

Then annoyed silence for a while. Annoyance melts slowly over next half hour or so as we potter around the house. Then one of us goes to the other for a kiss and a hug and says "I'm sorry I got so upset and Hirt your feelings", the other then also has to say "no don't be ridiculous, I was being a pedantic arse", "it was my fault" "no it was MY fault"

The apologies at the end MUST be genuine and both parties must really feel bad - either that they were in the wrong, or that they were in the right but handled it so badly that an argument ensued. Otherwise the whole cycle starts again!

either that they were in the wrong, or that they were in the right but handled it so badly that an argument ensued

Think this ^ is a really good point, saying sorry doesn't mean you have to admit you were wrong (if you don't think you were)

What about fights (verbal) where one person totally losses their cool... How often do these come up?

It depends what you mean by totally losing your cool- for me/us, once in ten years. I lost my temper and stomped out of the room, kicking open the stairgate as I did so.

Unfortunately I broke it and immediately felt so damn silly I came back in a few minutes and apologised profusely.

The longer we're together, the less we argue- if we do disagree these days it's over in a few minutes with apologies on both sides.

The one thing I had to battle against with DH is that he would assert his side of an argument as though he could never be wrong, when in fact sometimes he was wrong. Also he would say "Well everybody I know says such-and-such/does-such-and-such." Which is plainly ridiculous . But he's a reasonable human being with the intelligence to realise that such statements can't be true and so has adjusted over the years.

Shodan my DH did the "everyone I know" thing once or twice - I repeated "I don't care what everyone you know does, the plural of anecdote is not evidence" until he got the message.

skating in 8 years we've never had an argument where one person has lost their cool (by shouting/stamping/hitting something). Our arguments are more a sort of persistent worrying away at something that we disagree about, and the worst it gets is a sullen smouldering silence from both of us before one person apologises and the other reciprocates.

Granted, I don't know what would happen if we had a serious issue like lying or massive disrespect of the other in some form like you read about on these boards sometimes, but to my knowledge neither of us has ever lost their cool or shouted about anything else so I can't see it happening between us either.

We do not really argue. I might get annoyed by something he has done (or not done occasionally) and I will usually get the hump with an inanimate object (like fighting to get the hoover in the cupboard!!). I will then tell (never shout) him that he pissed he off because he did X / didn't do X. He will apologize or tell me i shouldn't be pissed off because of X Y or Z.
Last seconds and has never transformed into shouting / raised voice/ storming off / hitting things.
Been together 13 years

He will behave like a fud
I will berate him for his fud diness
He will deny his fud diness
I will reiterate using examples, evidence and summarise
He will go silent
I will leave the room, swearing under my breath
He will find me, apologise and make me tea. And smile.

I will be an unreasonable stress head
He will say something soothing that will piss me off
He will leave the room
I will calm down and realise I am being a bitch
I will find him and apologise profusely
I will make him naice coffee and all will be happy again

Every time