Prenatal scan

[MilgramsLittleHelper]

Hi all,

My wife and I have a gorgeous little one due late this year, but due to an increased Nuchal scan we're having further fetal ultrasound as well as the usual 20 week anamoly scans (Awaiting 2nd set of results for CVS test, 1st set ok :)). Obviously I'd like to be at both these scans so I can get as much information as possible and be there to support my Wife if theres bad news, but my DW says she'd prefer her mum coming to one instead of me. I don't mind at all her Mum coming with us both but feel strangely nudged out especially as I'm (I hate saying this) the more level headed of the two of us. I'm I being unfair on her for suggesting me attending? If that's her wish I can conceed, but it would still make me feel very uneasy.

It's good that you want to support your wife, but sometimes support can mean stepping back and letting someone else take over. I refuse to have DP with me when I give birth, simply because he has no concept of how it feels, no frame of reference, perhaps your wife has the same idea? After all, her mum has done this all before.

Besides that, it's natural to want her mum there if she's upset and worried, especially if you'll be looking at it all logically. Sometimes we just need to cry without someone trying to fix it.

I would do as she says. She isn't trying to push you out, she's just doing what's right for her at that moment.

I have never been pregnant so I may be out of place here but surely this is YOUR baby! Why are you not allowed to be there?

Weird. It's your child too, you should get the opportunity to be there.

Thanks Grumpy I see what you mean. We're a close couple and not afraid of seeing each other at our worst (which has been a fair bit considering the other tests). I'll step down gracefully, but it does hurt (sorry).

Thanks Melbie and Ehric for posting :)

I know so many dads who have been asked not to be there at scans and the birth etc. while I'm usually a firm believer in each to their own, I think it's unfair that you are not allowed to be there. It is your child too, yes it is her body, but you both made the decision to make a baby together and she knew what this would involve. Could you and her mum not both be there?

My partner was with me for every single bit of pregnancy and birth. We were young ish (21) him 19, and it was a massive surprise. I did have my mum there for a few bits. She came along to the scan too, but only popped I. After do and I had found out the sex etc. she was also there right at the end for the birth. But do was with me the whole way through. We were all happy with this arrangement. You need to sit down and really talk it through. It's a worrying time for all of you, and everyone's feelings need to be taken into account. I hope it gets sorted for you and good luck with everything x

I'm pregnant now and my husband has come to every scan, every antenatal appointment and will be present at the birth (in fact I don't know how I'd cope if he wasnt there). I think it's hard enough for the father to feel involved, especially in the early days, as everything is going on in his partner's body and remains separate from him. I think it's very important that your wife understands that this is a difficult time for you too, involving your baby too. It seems hugely unfair to say you absolutely can't come.

Personally I think it's shocking that your wife wants to stop you bring part of the scans and prenatal appointments. This is your baby too and I think you should be attending these appointments as a couple, a team, a family unit.
I would also be very concerned about what's going to happen once the baby is born - will you be treated like a second class citizen then too? Will your opinion be worth less that your MILs?

I won't accept this if I were you and you need to have a chat now and outline how you feel like you are being pushed out, etc.

Good luck!

"especially as I'm (I hate saying this) the more level headed of the two of us"

Really? Maybe she doesn't think so?

When you say level headed, do you think she might not feel supported enough if there are bad news?
Would you just hold her and let her cry, for example?

"Would you just hold her and let her cry, for example?"

Absolutly, what good does it do in holding back?

"especially as I'm (I hate saying this) the more level headed of the two of us"

Really? Maybe she doesn't think so?

Well she has said this herself, although she can be stronger then me in other aspects and I'm glad of that.

Thanks all. Your advice is appreciated :)