Think DH lied/played away

[confusedupset]

Not sure where to start and am terrified of the replies as deep down I know I am being a mug.

Last year DH and I went through a very rough patch, I posted under a different name. The general consensus was that he had either cheated or had his head turned. I think the latter...well I did. We worked through our problems and have been getting on better than we have in a long time (been married 6 years, together 10 and have 2 small DC)

So this weekend he went away, on Thursday I found a condom in his bag (I wasn't snooping), when he returned it was still there (we have used this bag for weekend away etc, was one of ours - had same date stamp etc). Once he had unpacked the condom found its way back into the drawer where we keep them. I asked him about it......and he looked like a startled rabbit. I just sense he was lying about it.

Long discussion after kids had gone to bed..........I tend to know when he lies (he is rubbish at it) so I think his reassurances about not having cheated are true, however I think he lied about the condom.

I am swinging from asking him to leave (which I did initially) or that I have serious trust issues and that's why he reacted. I do have issues with trust and ironically found out my previous long term partner had cheated.....you guessed it by a packet of condoms that were not ours.

I have started to arrange some relate counselling (either for me or us both). He was very patient last night, kind, chatted for ages, he was very upset that I could think that.

I just do not know what to do.

I think what Op is saying is that she now thinks the incident last year was more than him having his head turned - he may have actually cheated. Obviously there are going to be trust issues after he said what he did op. I don't think you're being a mug if you want to make it work, but only you can know whether you can recover from his hurtful behaviour last year, whatever the extent was.

How absurd.

The OP made a decision based on the facts available at the time. This is how all decisions are made. But like any decision, it can be reviewed at any time if information that wasn't forthcoming before, emerges later.

No-one who gets another bit of information which, if available before, could have led to a different decision - and says: "Oh well, I can't go back on it now" if there remains the option to do so.

In relationships (like many situations in life) decisions are not binding and irreversible, regardless of new information or circumstances. It would be complete madness to think that they were.