Support for survivors of teacher/student abuse

[SomeDizzyWhore1804]

Hello all

On the suggestion of another poster I have decided to start this thread as a safe place for survivors of student/teacher abuse.

I was in an abusive relationship with my teacher from the ages of 16-21. After years of therapy I have come to terms broadly with what happened to me, but news stories such as the recent one involving Jeremy Forrest recently trigger unpleasant emotions and periods of panic and anxiety.

Remember the mantra: it wasn?t your fault, you didn?t ask for it and even if you loved them it doesn?t mean that what they were doing wasn?t an incredible abuse of power. You?re strong and you will be okay.

Please introduce yourselves.

Hi.
In an abusive relationship with a lecturer from 16 until 18.

He was 38, and as I have said before, I had vulnerable tatooed across my forehead.

Thanks Dawndonna

An interesting BBC News article here about the frequency with which these kind of relationships happen.

I also wanted to highlight this article to fellow survivors, as the words of the NSPCCs Jon Brown really resonated with me; the child is often left, after these relationships, feeling "duped, tricked and bereft". This is exactly how I felt- that my whole adolescence had been a lie and that everything I had thought I had felt was invalid.

I certainly don't think that I was textbook "vulnerable"- I came from a stable and supportive home and had no history of abuse- however the thing that made me stand out and therefore fall victim to my abuser was that I was precociously intelligent- especially linguistically- and therefore because I spoke like an adult I was drawn to him because he didn't patronise me. It probably started as a typical teachers pet type thing. He wasn?t the only teacher that I shared that kind of relationship was- my other English teacher (who was female) and I definitely shared a bond, as did I and my History teacher (who was male). My History teacher even went as far as to bring in books for me to read and would ring my mum to make sure that I was reading them and ?developing intellectually? ? but he never crossed the line between teacher/student or tried to take our relationship further in any way.

The point I am making is that I think teachers can be interested in their students without an abusive subtext or a suspicion of grooming. It is just that unfortunately I, and no one around me at the time, saw the difference between the genuinely interested teachers and my abuser.

Yes, I knew it was more common than people think.
Interesting that a 17 year old was mentioned, in conjunction with a female teacher, I'd like that to have gone on the other thread for all those who don't seem to believe that the AOC for teacher/pupils is 18.

Hello all. I have found the Jeremy Forrest thread and news coverage very triggering. I was involved with a teacher, he began grooming me at 14. He is 14 years older than me, he was very charismatic and handsome. He was very controlling emotionally and sexually and now, nearly 20 years later I am disgusted and staggered at his behaviour. I am also so sad that he did that to me and I was unprotected from him. I thought at the time it was like a romantic novel as he said he loved me, but now I feel sick at the seediness of it.

A year after our involvement ended it came to light that he had done the same thing with a girl after me, who told her parents. He was reported and sacked, and his wife left him. He had also been involved with at least 3 girls at different schools before me. I wish I had had the strength to report him and press charges, but at the time I felt deeply ashamed, as he always hinted that I led him on and he was 'unable to resist', as if it was my fault. I was mortifed at the thought of my parents finding out. Now of course I realise I did not have anything to be ashamed about, as I was a victim and he totally manipulated me.

It is a sad fact that some adults in positions of trust and authority consider children to be fair game. I am sure my abuser does not think he was in the wrong. It has affected me well into adulthood.

I'm sorry Fox It seems to be a favourite trick, the Lolita scenario. They will always blame the pupil, it means they don't have to take responsibility for their own actions.

Interesting that you mention the Lolita scenerio, Dawndonna. When it all came to light with me and my abuser his wife even said I "didn't fit the stereotype of an abuse victim" because I was all "red lipstick, hair dye and heels". She went as far as to say that no one would ever believe my "woe is me" story because I was such an obvious tart!

Lovely!

It is an unfortunate fact of our society that the wherever there is blame, it is laid at the feet of a woman, even by another woman. It would, for her, have questioned her sexuality, her needs, was she 'enough' for him, was she still attractive, was she womanly enough. He has created two victims, as has Forrest, that probably gives them a bit of a kick, too.

Of definitely. Whilst I was never a massive fan of my abusers wife- for obvious reasons- even I could see that she was as much a victim of him as I was. Certainly what the prosecution said about Forrest having an attraction to "vulnerable looking" girls and women was true of my teacher as well- his wife was a very meek, mild, shy, unassuming woman who had only ever slept with him and who was isolated hundreds of miles from her family and closest friends. She could scarcely have been more vulnerable. She was almost exactly the same age as him, that was the difference. He just liked power, clearly, and loved being in control of the women in his life.

This will more than likely make your blood boil, I can't believe The Guardian have published it, but it may interest you all.

I made a reply on the cif section. I read it this morning. Bloody furious. I'm actually getting a bit bored with puerile little madams having their I'm alright Jack status displayed everywhere. Even if they feel unaffected by it, surely they should support those who were affected by it.
I did say on cif, that I wonder if she'd feel the same way if he's still doing it with sixth formers 20 years down the line.

Hi All,

I know this is a very old thread now, but just an update - I reported my teacher to the police.

Also another teacher who kept groping me, but I didn't feel able to report it at the time, because I was in a relationship with Teacher 1.

And my old school have been massively supportive - not like they were at the time, but then 25 years have passed and it's a whole new faculty.

They're launching an investigation into safeguarding failures at the time, and which teachers knew of the 'relationship' but did nothing.

I hope they all burn.

So a long road to go, but I'll keep you posted, if you like...

Well done for reporting Berts, that must have taken a lot of courage.

Berts you are so brave, well done. I really hope this is a good process for you, and the respect and belief that the police and the school and hopefully everyone involved with the case show you the way you should have been treated at the time. You were failed so badly, I hope now that this nasty pathetic abuser gets a taste of justice, and gets his horrible world uncovered and exposed. A man who preys in vulnerable young girls and gets off on the power imbalance... well, someone like that won’t enjoy other more powerful adults picking over his sordid desires and disgusting power games.

Anyway, just... a huge well done and lots of support and positive vibes to you.

Thanks - I was sweating all weekend after the police emailed me to see if I want a formal investigation (I reported to the school; the school escalated to the police), but now I've pressed the button, I feel much better.

Also, my local Rape Crisis have a service where they can get someone to come to the police station with me when I give my statement, as well as ongoing support and counselling, so they've been great.

Spoke to the new headmaster of my old school and he actually told me that he and the governors have agreed that yes, this will probably damage the school's reputation, but that is not as important as doing the right thing. Just the opposite response to 20 years ago and it meant so much.

I’m glad you’ve got some RL support .

Thanks S0ph1a 💐💐