NC. Trying to keep this brief as possible....(honest)....
Had a friend, known for 7 years. Freelance work, so understand that occasionally things crop up and she had to cancel arranged lunches, but it got to the point where it was almost constant. Used to spend long emails sorting out her problems (marriage breakdown, later a stalker, work) and declared me one of the 4 people who would tell her what she NEEDED to hear, not WANTED to hear, and for that I was a greatly valued and loyal friend.
I decided I needed to clear the air and I pointed out that she had cancelled coming/backed out last minute of every single time I had tried to arrange something which did not make me feel valued at all and that, in future, if she happened to find herself with a night free and want to take an off chance and see if I too was free and call me up to do something, then that was fine. But I was not prepared to make specific arrangements any more.
She said she understood, I had had the thin end of the wedge and she had let me down. Her job could be a pain but it was unfair to keep cancelling on me. She said she would go down the spontaneous route I suggested. Two weeks later, she was doing something and asked if I was free. I wasn?t, but I thanked her for asking, meant a lot that she bothered and she said she would continue to do so. She didn?t.
Three months later, was invited to her house for a meal, so I decided I would reciprocate. And we arranged a date two months ahead so that it was firmly in her diary. Three days before event she cancelled, having double booked herself with friend who was moving abroad (genuine, although in the end she didn?t go to that either, too tired from work).
Decided wouldn?t bother and just stick to emails, despite the fact she lives three miles away. Lots of the usual problems. Christmas I got a card saying ?Would really like to see more of you in 2013? which I laughed at. I invited her to my birthday drinks with just a few close friends and told my best friend ?bet you she cancels?. She did. One hour before. So I decided enough was enough and I decided I would let the friendship slide. I heard nothing from her for 3 months, so thought she had perhaps realised she had burned her bridges.
I had a text from her Thurs saying ?hi, how are you?? and proceeding to ask if I knew someone who could help her out with someone. So, only contacted me to get something from me. I sent a polite but brief reply. Another followed saying: ?It?s been ages, can we do lunch soon? A lot more availability these days (good and bad thing) and looking at our messaging no contact since your birthday. Unsure why, but I miss it x?
No doubt she has lost some of her work which means she now has time for me. I know that she has made time for other people ? the joys of Facebook ? and for events that are important to her in her hobby.
I can?t decide whether to simply ignore her text or tell her that our friendship has run its course. She is bound to ask why if I reply the latter and bearing in mind we?ve had a big talk about this in the past, I don?t feel the need to go through it all again. She?s not an unintelligent woman.