How far would you travel for a date?

[newdatingdilemma]

I've been asked on a date by a nice man I've been chatting to (the dreaded OD), he's not suggested where we go yet, but in thinking about where I might suggest (I'd normally opt for a local pub or bar) I've realised that he lives quite a way from me - about 60 miles.

When I've been on dates in the past, I've always gone to places local to me, because the men have lived within 5-10 miles. But now I'm thinking is it a bit much to expect a guy to travel 60 miles to meet me in a local pub?

I could suggest somewhere mid-way between his town and mine, but I don't drive. I could go by train but that'd mean leaving before 10pm which seems a bit early? I can't see him in the day because I work Mon-Fri, and at weekends he either works or sees his DCs, so evenings are the only times we're both free.

So am a bit - will he think I'm rude if I say to come to my town? Or will it seem odd if we meet halfway and then I have to leave early?

I had someone drive 90 minutes for a date with me. We went out for about 3 years.

That's good to know!

I still feel a bit guilty asking him to do all the travelling just for a first date, not sure why.

well, yes, if you don't like him an dthe date goes badly, you can't then end in within 15min as he's made such effort!
midway would be best really, no pressure on anyome then to be grateful.

Personally, I wouldn't go more than 15 or 20 miles, but that's only because I know I wouldn't be able to sustain the subsequent journeys in the unlikely event that it went well. Plus a longer drive = more time to shit myself with nerves on the way!

Now thinking maybe I should say halfway(ish) then.

But then I worry if leaving before 10 looks odd? I suppose if I don't like him (or vice versa) we'll both be glad of an early exit though!

What time are you getti g there? If it's eight or so then I think an hour and a half is ok for a first date.

if it's dinner, then suggest 7.30ish, plenty of time before 10 if you get on - or eralier if not (then don't even start the dinner )! if drinks, later is fine, IMO however nice they are online, you wouldn't know if you like him when face to face, so best not to plan for very long.

Or you could plan for longer for a daytime date, if you were actually doing something (a walk, some activity where you are not focused on each other) but it's too intense just face to face for more than an 1-2hrs on first meeting. Lots of people just meet for a coffee first time, but that's with locals, granted.

'or leave earlier if not' first sentence.

I had an OD with someone who lived 100 miles away - I don't drive and I didn't think it was fair to expect him to drive 100 miles to see me, although he said he would have done had I asked - I just thought it was too much pressure. We agreed to meet up in a city halfway between us - we both booked separate rooms in a hotel, so the date could continue for as long as we wanted it to. Is staying in a hotel an option for you?

Should add that it didn't work out because of the distance though - a couple of months later I met someone through OD who lived 2 miles away - 3 years later we're still happily together and living together. It definitely made getting to know each other easier because we could see each other whenever we wanted.

I have a man willing to travel 250 miles for a date, I must be special, I think.

Normally three miles. Up to five if I feel it's polite to be flexible.

I suspect I might be what's known as a pain in the arse though! And I'm in a city.

I went on a date with someone who lives 50 miles away. The first date he came to my town, the second we met roughly halfway (although slightly closer to me) and then after that he came to my house. Still going 9 months later...

Gosh, 250 miles!

I don't think I've met anyone who lived more than about 15 miles away before. I feel a bit awkward with suggesting he drive to my town, as over an hour is a long way to come for a couple of hours with someone you might not even like.

Just looked at train times, and to meet in a town in the middle will mean over an hour's travel for me (no direct route), might suggest him coming here after all.

New theres a story there, I wont go into it...

I've just remembered a "date" with a man I met online in about 1999. He travelled from Bristol to York to stay the weekend. It was a disaster.

Why don't you meet in the middle?

www.meetways.com/

30 miles is doable.

Someone once travelled from Bristol to Manchester for a first date with me.

As soon as I saw him without my beer goggles on I knew it was a terrible mistake and ended the date after an hour and a half. The most boring and excruciatingly uncomfortable hour and a half of my life!

Ok, this is actually starting to put me off the date now.

When I first met DH we lived 110 miles apart. DH travelled to my home town to meet me the first time - we met for lunch. Then I got the train to see him the next time.

We then had a long distance relationship until I up sticks and moved.

Not sure if this is slightly off topic, but three of my first dates from OD sites travelled from Birmingham, Southampton and Cardiff respectively to Belfast to meet me! (And all stayed in hotels rather than with me for the first visit)

All resulted in fairly longish (8 month, 2.3 years and 7 month) long distance relationships.

What I am trying to say is anything is possible if the chemistry is right

On the the other hand I now have just celebrated our 2year anniversary with my wonderful DP who is from just 6miles up the road

I met a man who lived 90 miles away.

We "dated" for 4 years at that distance. Then, we got married . I don't think it's possible to put a geographical limitation on a good relationship. That would be too logical an approach and there's nothing logical about love.

Of course, you're only getting to know each other at the moment but I'd say, if it's a "do-able" distance, just meet half way.

Take the suggested safety precautions too!