OK - before I start I am pregnant and hormonal, so prepared to accept that I am being unreasonable here - just tell me gently OK. This is going to be long and rambly so apologies in advance.
Background. My MIL is very sweet, but inhabits a totally different universe. She split up from FIL over 20 years ago. DH is oldest son, one other who is v. useless, and DH has always (since he was 5) been her protector. When dh and I were first together we lived with her for 6 months whilst waiting for the flat we had bought to be built. We see her about once every couple of months, she has babysat for dd (21 months) twice. Once was a weekend when dh was away and I was very ill with pregnancy. Apart from 2 hours when she took dd out to park (and brought her back with frostbite) she really wasn't much help to me - constantly undermining me by lavishing attention on dd (she spent an hour running round after the little monkey trying to put her vest on), and competely out of touch with how to look after a toddler (she always had nannies when dh was small). She even left her alone in the bath to come and ask me questions.
We are about to move out of London. She has decided she wants to leave her house in Kent and move nearer to us. We have already lent her 25k to enable her to buy the house she is in now, and will have to lend her another 75k to enable her to buy something similar near to where we are going. The money is not a big issue for us(I know we are very fortunate) but it does annoy me that she seemed to take for granted that DH and I would provide it, and still spends money as if she is v. rich (I mean - she considers it an economy to buy Tesco own brand champagne and groceries instead of having Harrods deliveries) She has also continued to be Lady bountiful, lending her other son 10k to put on his play, and giving a friend of hers 2k to help them out. When she moved into this property 1 year ago she bought brand new furniture, curtains, towels etc (top of the range stuff) which does annoy me when I am trying to cut back our unnecessary expenditure at the moment.
So that's the background - now the problem
We move on March 22nd. I give birth on April 23rd. There is a chance I will be hospitalized beforehand, and we have asked if she would mind coming to stay to look after dd if that happens (she will be going to nursery 2 days and dh will be able to work from home quite a lot so she won't be by herself). She has assumed that this means we will be happy for her to stay after this baby is born as well, and has now said that she may as well put her house on the market now, then she can come and stay with us whilst she gets settled in the new area and looks for somewhere to buy. I don't want her to be living with us when I bring my new baby home. I want it to be just me, dh, dd and new ds for at least a few weeks (dh will take 2 weeks off work). DH thinks I am being unreasonable, but I just know that I will not be comfortable with her in the house all the time, and she won't be as much help as dh says she will be as I know I will not be able to trust her with either dd or new ds. Am I really being mean to tell her to go home now we don't need you any more? Or do I have a right to peace and quiet in my own home at what should be such a family time?