Need advice and handholding

[LeftTheBastard]

I posted I chat but have been advised to post here.

I found out in Friday that my partner of 4yrs was having an affair, so confronted him and then left to stay at my parents. We have a 23 month old DS who luckily was already at my parents so didn't witness any of it.

The backstory is XP has been going through depression and burn out at work for months, and I thought I was supporting him through it but it turns out he's been shagging someone at work for the last month. He admits that he wouldn't have told me if I hadn't found out, and says that since having DS I've changed - he still loves who I was before DS but not me now.

Now we're in the messy business of trying to keep things as stable as possible for DS while sorting out what's going to happen with the house/custody etc.

XP has a tendency to get very bitter and spiteful and has been angry in the past and I'm worried this is going to affect DS. He agreed initially to go and stay with his parents so we could go back to the house but is now backtracking, saying he can't stay with them because he's got a cold (his mum has a severe lung disease requiring oxygen 24/7) - he has friends and siblings but I have the feeling that he's not told anyone what he's done yet. I feel like he's trying to shift the goalposts already.

I'm seeing a solicitor on Wednesday but has anyone got any advice in the meantime? Thank you and sorry for the essay.

First thing to say is that I'm really sorry you find yourself in this situation. I know how shocking and upsetting it is. Second thing is to urge you to harden your heart to this pathetic example of a human being and not fall for all the crap he's giving you about your supposed change in personality, a cold stopping him moving out, and so on. It's all rubbish.

Your DS is small enough not to be aware of the ins and outs of adult relationships and, as long as he's well looked-after and has you there for stability, that's as much as you need to do. So don't make any concessions to your XP just because you fear your DS being upset. Stay strong and give nothing away.

So yes, he's shifting the goal-posts, is already hurling blame about and this is not going to be an amicable separation. Glad you're seeing a solicitor. In the meantime, do you have RL friends and family that you can talk to or stay with? He wouldn't know the truth if it hit him in the face so get your story out there before he has chance to start spinning more lies.

Good luck