AIBU to end a perfectly good relationship for no real reason?

[Indecisive90]

Title might not be strictly accurate, it's not that good and there are some reasons but overall I'm not unhappy. Bit of background - I'm 23 (so is he), been together 4.5 years, met while we were at universities 200 miles apart then lived together for two years and now live apart but near each other. I'm not really sure if I'm 'allowed' to post here since I don't have children but I think this is the kind of thing mums would be good at advising on and I don't have that sort of relationship with mine.

Basically for the last year things haven't been great. I moved out hoping that seeing each other less and having more quality time would help but it's just not really fun any more and things are irritating me more, not just his habits but opinions on quite important things too. The sex has gone downhill too, he's my first but it was good to begin with, now it just feels awkward I know this is probably natural and bound to happen in any relationship but I don't really see us ending up together and I feel too young to 'settle' (hate that word, it feels so awful to say cos he's a lovely guy). But I would really miss him and I don't have a lot of friends, all my close friends moved away recently so my social life is rubbish. And like I say, I've only been with him, I wouldn't really know how to meet someone or be with anyone else. I would be really lonely without him and I don't want to hurt him but I'm not sure that's a good enough reason to stay together. It's so hard to end it though, we've been together since I was 18, I don't even know how to be without him.

Sorry, this seems so trivial in comparison to some of the threads on here. I just need to get it out somewhere.

It's not fair to stay in a relationship with him when you aren't in love with him just because it's easier and less frightening that being single.

You both deserve better.

You are not being too picky. Don't stay with him because you lack confidence, please don't. You are incredibly young and have all the time in the world (metaphorically speaking!) to meet someone else. It's run its course.

I do love him though, the thought of breaking up really upsets me and not just because I'm scared. I'm worried that these feelings are based on more practical things, head over heart really. I'm making it sound like it's all about me, that's not how I mean it to come out. I think I could be happy with him, I just might be happier with someone else in the future. But it's a big risk.

maybe I'm not as young as I think I am

You are only 23! You are young and gorgeous. You will not realise how young and gorgeous you are now for many moons to come ... when you are no longer young & gorgeous.[voice of experience emoticon]
Go out and make the most of your youth!

Oh the relationship sounds rubbish. Why not end it, and give yourself that chance to find someone else? Staying together out of fear is never going to end well. It's not fair on either of you. And 23 is ridiculously, insanely young to think you are on the scrapheap! The longer you spend in this dead-end relationship, the harder it will be to get out and let yourself grow.

If it is shit when you have no worries and responsibilities it is going to be really shit after decade of the pressure of marriage and kids

Marriage and kids are brilliant but they are hard work and you have to have good foundations.

Your dilemma struck a chord with me as I went through a very similar situation many years ago.

I met him at university when we were 18, and we were still together at 23. After five years the relationship had gone stale but both of us were too afraid to end it & move on. We moved in together because it seemed like the natural progression of our relationship, but I gradually came to realise how incompatible we actually were & how much we had outgrown each other.

I eventually plucked up the courage to end it. Leaving him was such a difficult decision, but ultimately the right one for me. I know I hurt him terribly but I had to put myself first, and I can honestly say I have never for a minute regretted it.

I met my now DH a short time later through friends, and we have now been together over 25 years.

I would encourage you to be brave, think of your future happiness and not settle for staying in a relationship that you know in your heart is no longer making you happy. You are 23 years old and have so much time ahead of you.

I wish you the very best of luck.

I'm quite shy and don't have many friends (I know a lot of people from uni and work but for some reason it never develops into a friendship where we meet socially. I don't have anyone I could call and go out with. Usually if I go out it's with him and people I know through him.)

Think hard about this. You've spent the last few years putting your energies into this guy, rather than into your social life. The years immediately after school or college are important for learning how to socialise as an adult, without the automatic structure we have in school.

It's all too easy to stay on the couch if there's someone else there to hang out with - it makes us all socially lazy. If you didn't have a guaranteed person to hang out with, in the nicest possible way, maybe you'd have got off your arse a bit more . You might have battled through the awkwardness we ALL feel when making friends as adults, and kept persisting with people until you DID develop proper friendships with them.

I'm not saying it's easy to make friends. I'm rubbish at it. But I have been noticeably less rubbish at it at times in my life when I've been single - because I've had energy to direct at socialising.

^ absolutely. I was in a LTR from 20 to 32 and socially lacking in confidence. Finding myself unexpectedly single forced^ me to tackle that for my own good, and now I'm the life and soul . And FWIW, I met DP when I was 37, so you've got a good 14 years to find a replacement for Mr doesn't-do-it-for-you-any-more.

Oops, italics FAIL...

I didnt mean to sound so flippant. What I meant was that life throws more and more stuff at you as it goes on. If you are in a relatonship built of straw eventually it will all fall down anyway.

You are young you need to experience life. If this guy is for you you will find each other when you are both ready. Now clearly isn't that time.

FFS you're worried you're not as young as you think you are? You're barely an adult. You have acres and acres of time. Even if it takes you 12, 15 years to find someone you settle down with a fear of waiting isn't a good enough reason to stay in a relationship that isn't working.

I'd also punt that if you don't spend some time being single now and getting to know yourself you'll regret it later.