Cheeky or other?

[ConfuzzledMummy]

Just wondering if anyone has had this I was having sex with a newish partner last night we were both drunk him more so than me! Anyway Tmi alert! I don't mind him playing with my bum quite enjoy it actually but all of a sudden he just plunged it in and took me by surprise I told him to stop us both laughing and he said shhh and the I said a bit more seriously stop. He did and I just said I would have liked a bit of pre warning before he said "so how much pre warning are we talking?" I said ill let you know, and that was then end of it! Nothing has been mentioned this morning and we had sex again. I was just wondering if a lot of men try it when they're feeling naughty and they've had a drink, it's never happened before.

Its not acceptable forhim to try to have anal sex without your knowledge, no.

See if it was a one-off incident I suppose it could have been. If it's NOT an isolate incident then, well, I don't know, sorry

So he 'plunged' it in (without lube I'm assuming), tried to get away with it by shhing you when you protested and seems perturbed by the idea that you have to indicate that's what you want to do?

Enough red flags to create some bunting there.

It was an isolated incident and obviously if it happens again I won't see him again, I'm not upset by it just wondered if a lot of men try it on like this at one point, we had used lube anyway so it wasn't painful. I think because we were both laughing I think he thought it was ok, and when I told him it wasn't he was fine I just said ill tell you when we can do that.

I think you were anally raped and there's no way I'd be seeing a man again who did this.

I think he thought it was the next step, you didn't. You had to say, "no" and that can happen on either side in a relationship. Far, far more worrying to me is the "shhh".

Also, I really don't think 'a lot' of men are rapists, but it honestly doesn't matter if 100 posters reply that they've encountered men who've penetrated them without their consent. Just because rape is shockingly an experience that many women have experienced, it never makes it acceptable or normalised.

Thanks Viva like I say we were very drunk and we had sex again normally this morning and nothing was mentioned! It's never happened before, and as for the shhh I think that's what made me post on here asking for advice.

Confuzzled pulling out after you'd said 'no' doesn't negate the fact that he raped you. I'm so very sorry you've had that experience and I expect the sex this morning was in part your way of normalising what happened and erasing it. It's something a lot of rape victims do.

I'm not a rape victim Bad he went a bit too far after having too much to drink and when I said no he stopped that's not rape in my eyes.

Ok.

It is rape as far as the law is concerned, but I understand why you might be saying this.

I dont think it sounds like rape (going from ops post and responses) like u say op if u were giggling he might of thought u were joking and he did stop when u told him to..the alchol probably made him more confident / experimental.

My thoughts exactly Mumofapirate

What are you going to do Confuzzled?

I had an accidental bum stabbing this week, sorry for the TMI but was just getting in the swing when WHAM. Fooking hell I saw stars and felt sick, he was mortified.

So any time a partner tries a move without discussion first its rape?..

Had he carried on after op exclaimed she wasnt liking it then yes.

This was not rape!! He stopped when asked in a serious voice I'm presuming not the 1 st time as you were both giggling.

There are plenty of men who would do this especially as there had been foreplay in that area. You were both drunk and things got silly, and after you made your position clear, no problem in my opinion unless he continues to do it

I have been with dh 12 year and we do not conset prior to sex, who does this we tend to just go with the monent or a cheeky wake up from one another

I've just text him making light of it asking if he remembers what he tried to do in bed last night, he said go on what have I done wrong now ha! I just said you put it somewhere it shouldn't have been.....yet ha! He hasn't text back yet but will keep you informed.

Do you mind me asking how old you are? I ask because this isn't the kind of conversation I would want to be having over text and I'm wondering if it's an age thing.

I'm 23 I think just mentioning by text makes light of it really as a big sit down conversation would have made it sound too serious!

Yes, I was thinking that after I posted.

But then I wondered, if it's a light-hearted, er, slip, why start the thread? Did you start the thread because you were a bit concerned about some of the details (e.g. having sex without your usual inhibitions or the "shhhh" comment)?