How to deal with mum

[glassofwine]

Hi, I've just come back from a family day with my mum, DH, DB and LO's. Feel upset as yet again she put me down in front of everyone. Even DH noticed and he's usually so nice he can't see bad in anyone else . I don't think she'll change and only does it when DH there or anyone else I'm close to, so have decided not to have it out with her. They are coming for dinner tonight and I want to just ignor it and not get upset. Any tips?

Stab her - accidentally of course?

It is very hard but I honestly think that one way of making yourself feel better in this sort of situation is to take a deep breath and just ask her why she is doing it; "mum, why are you putting me down this way in front of everyone? It makes me feel very upset".....

It takes being very assertive to do this but it is about putting it back to her, not accepting all the negative feeling for yourself. SHE says what she feels, why shouldn't you? You have as much right as she does to express your opinion, don't you think??

I have had to adopt this approach with my IL's, whose approach to parenting is the pole opposite of mine, so that every time they said anything about my DS I was feeling got at and felt I had to just 'take it' and deal with it; but in the end, I have managed to just pipe up with my opinion, which always feels rather confrontational of me because of course it is opposite to what they are saying; and I am the most unconfrontational person ever. i sometimes feel a bit shaky when I have spoken up, but ALWAYS feel less churned up than if I hadn't said anything.

So I don't think you need to ignore it, you can tackle her but in an assertive way rather than a confrontational way; You don't need to make it a big thing, just question your mum at the time she is doing it, in order to a) make her consider what she is doing and b) make yourself feel better for standing up for your rights!

best of luck

I think you should pull her up on it at the time even though there are people there. She has to learn to treat you with resepct. My MIL's mum used to do exactly that until MIL stood up to her. Never did it again.

Sharpe knife at the ready - due any moment aagh

Try using humour as a weapon?

What was the put down this time?

please tell us how it went tonight!

That's if you're not arrested for multiple stabbings

if she puts you down again
just reply that
you are your mothers daughter
and must be something in the genes

if that fails spill tthe ice cream for pudding on her head

i agree. say something witty back about whatever it is she has put you down over.

failing that if she hasnt mentioned anythign for a while comment on it....say soemthign like ooh mother you havent told me how terrible my cooking is yet? or something.

if she puts you down as much as it sounds like then everyone at teh table will be aware of the situation and hopefully it will show your mother that you see what it is she is doing and that your not going to put up with iut anymore

but if that fails....stab her

Mum has left the building, no stabbing, no comments tonight! typical - like when you take the kids to the doctor and then they're fine. Still it'll happen again. Will come back to you.