I'm finally being the person I was before marriage.

[acheekyvimto]

I want to and need to leave my marriage, there are various reasons mainly he is a verbally abusive, control freak to me and the kids.

When we met I was an independent single mum, he slowly brought me down to being submissive. No longer working, he dictated my friendships to the point I lost one of my best friends from the age of 15.

He introduced alcohol, I became so miserable I drank too much, he's overfed me to the point of 14 stone.

So I've booked a holiday with the kids by myself, I took DD1 away to the canaries as a baby single handed as well as a weekend away. I've got myself a personal trainer, I syphon the money off as cashback on the shopping.

I've said it before I'm going solo and I'm determined to do it.

Good for you, you sound like you're waking up to the abuse you've suffered and you're taking control. I'm rooting for you.

I hope you have a fantastic holiday, well done you!

Thank you, I've posted god knows how many times about going and I've realised when the debts are paid I'm free.

I've been a single mum, I see access weekends as time to rest and rebuild my social life. I have a few quid in savings, I own a car, most of the furniture I bought or belongs to the kids.

I see single parenthood as free educational courses, help to get back to work, the support of family and friends. Everything I don't get in my marriage. Everything he should provide, all I get is abuse of why I can't get a job, abuse if the kids don't behave. We play guess whos turn it is next to be shouted at.

My DS has nightmares, my DD1 who is not his biological child doesn't like him, DD2 is a soft bugger who likes everyone and can't see the bad in anyone so doesn't care about his behaviour.

I'd say you're free to go now, everything else can be sorted as two single people. Why go on holiday? Why not use that money to make your permanent move out now? What are you really waiting for? More nightmares for child? More fights? More debts? Just cut your losses and go immediately, you've got the rest of your life to live, now. Go for it!

I agree with monkeynuts. How about using the money you are spending on the personal trainer and holiday to pay off debts/get out of the marriage? Getting your kids away from this environment has to be the priority.

What monkeynuts and lizzabadger said. Get out now. Debts are not a reason to stay.

Good luck OP whether you build up to exiting this marriage by degrees or seize an opportunity to get out now.

im living a very similar life to yours - see my post www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1784096-me-again-its-still-going-on-long-sorry - good luck - i cant give you any advise because i am just trying muster the courage to go - but i wish you all the luck in the world xxxx

A little update, well I took the kids away on my own. We had a ball. I found it easier to parent on my own than with him.

He causes fights throughout whatever holiday we're on. He's been as miserable as sin since we come back. Exploding at us and generally being unpleasant. I've told him what he needs to do to make the relationship work.

He chooses to play the victim card and blame me for everything. I'm going to see a solicitor when the kids are back at school. Can't get away before to find out where I stand regarding the house and money.

I've been a completely single parent before and the realisation that the children are happier without him, I'm happier without him, and he is happier without me makes me realise there is no future.

Well done, I understand that you really wanted to be sure of happiness beyond marriage when you went on holiday with kids.
Now you know you're all better off without him and can plan leaving in earnest.
I was lone parent for 8 years and went back to university for a degree in that time, worked full time and remained debt free.
Dh is a bit of a control freak too, but we' re working on it in counseling (I get massive support). Like you, I've started liking alcohol, over eating (never had weight issues in my life!) and am trying to overcome with aid of personal trainer! How's that for coincidence?