If you knew that divorce would decimate your finances, would you still do it?

[Uppatreecuppatea]

I think I chose the right path for me but divorce eviscerated my finances and I do wonder sometimes. I miss having money. I now have happiness but I also have a lot of struggle where I never had it before. My life was not intolerable, it just wasn't happy.

I spoke to a woman today who divorced after 23 years of marriage - now divorced - and she has no pension, no income after being a SAHM and no real prospects for work at 59.

I used to be what i thought was wealthy. Not anymore. I sometimes wonder if the struggle for happiness is worth the loss in lifestyle. Don't flame me for this - unless you have been divorced, you really have no idea how much you lose. It's really hard and I sometimes wonder if I should have stuck to the status quo and lived a life that gave me happiness outside of my marriage but with the comfort of a nice house / holidays instead.

I'm getting divorced and am actually better off financially now than I was before.

As I work (only p-t though) I receive tax credits, CB, HB and ex gives me a reasonable amount of child maintenance. So month to month I'm doing OK, even to the extent that I have managed to save to pay for a week abroad with the girls this summer.

However over the longer term I'm slightly disadvantaged - I'll never be in a position to buy my own house (barring a lottery win!) and if TC, CB etc change I'd be stuffed so I am saving like mad so I'm not totally reliant on them. However I'm in a decent pension scheme and owning a house isn't the be-all and end-all.

But most importantly I'm not living a life of anxiety, stress, distrust and sadness. That's more important than having a mortgage.

^ exactly what sidge said.

I was financially independent before marriage. The mistake I made was to go part time

Once we had children and then not to ensure that my ex paid into a private pension so I now have no claim on his pension to compensate for my loss of pension.....what a mug I am!

Divorce usually sucks for kids - fact.

Disagree. Bad marriages and bad parents suck for kids. Some of them end in divorce.

The day my DM divorced F is probably one of my best memories of childhood.

Yes I did it.

Sometimes its a struggle. I lost earning capacity as a SAHM for two years and when I left my ex I was only working 20 hrs a week.

Gradually I have worked my way up to a better paid position and can't wait to get out of the tax credits system so that when I get a pay rise I keep it all rather than just lose TC.

I've learned to budget effectively. Living on a low income requires patience, self discipline and creativity. All good skills to acquire.

I wouldn't exchange what I have - independence, self-confidence, freedom - for an unhappy relationship, no matter how much material security came with it.