Pregnant and doubting if I want to marry fiancé - help!

[qumquat]

Hello. I've posted on here about doubt before. Thought I'd got over it- got engaged and pregnant in quick succession (pregnancy planned but did not expect it to happen after 1 shag!). However the doubts never fully went away. I kept suppressing them because on paper we are the perfect match and I just thought I was hankering after a foolish Hollywood fantasy.

Since becoming pregnant though I've felt more than ever that I've done the wrong thing. I've gone for a perfect man on paper and ignored the lack of sexual chemistry and 'in loveness'. I feel desperately guilty, but he is aware that I still have doubts s

Perhaps some counselling with Relate or similar would help?

Sorry hit post to soon! He chooses to stay knowing I have doubts. We are both pretty pathetic and I guess co-dependent. It seems awful to split up with somebody because of basically lack of sex and chemistry, especially when we'll make a great team as parents. But I can't help but see heartbreak further down the line when the lack of a physical side starts to grind us down (as it already has although we've only just admitted it to ourselves). My gut feeling is to carry on as normal and see (hope) that I feel differently after baby is born. But is this dishonest and selfish? No concrete wedding plans yet as baby and hyperemesis put that on the back burner.

I hope I am a basically decent person who's just been stupid. I want to do what's best for him, bump and me, just not sure what that is. Would greatly appreciate some advice.

I used to feel the same way about my exDP - on paper he 'ticked all the boxes' (intelligent, good looking, kind, good job, good family, good sportsman, fit, sociable etc) but I just didn't feel THAT way about him. I had been head over heels in love with my partner before him, so knew what it felt like to really love someone, and knew that I didn't feel that way about him.

I stuck it out for a while, (longer than I should) because I was approaching 30 and didn't want to be alone. I also worried whether I would be crazy to leave him because although I knew he wasn't the perfect match, he did tick a lot of boxes and I worried I might never find Mr 100% Right.

I finally plucked up the courage to end the relationship. He was devastated and it was a really hard time for us both. BUT two weeks after I moved out, exDP went on to meet the woman who is now his wife. And about a month after we split I went on to meet DP, who is the love of my life.

That's just my experience but when I was going through it all a wise friend said to me "if you're in doubt, then there's no doubt" and that has stuck with me. Appreciate it is more complicated for you as you are expecting.

Good luck whatever you decide.

I would also second the view that some relationship counselling would help. ExDP and I did that - we wanted to make sure we had tried everything before we gave up on our relationship.

Thanks everyone. We've d

Arg! Annoying phone. Will post agin when on computer. Thank you.