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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How would you react?

4 replies

saggyhairyarse · 21/06/2013 11:55

I've been separated from my STBXH for 3 years and we have both moved on. He has a new partner, as do I.

I asked him on Wednesday whether we could swap our weekends as I want to take my daughter to an event that she would love for her birthday treat and it falls on the weekend that he has them. When I asked him, he said "no problem" so I booked the tickets.

Yesterday, I received an email from his girlfriend telling me that they can't swap the children because this falls on the weekend that she has her daughter and she can't rearrange it and that I must not ask to swap weekends around because I originally said we should try to stick to the weekends arranged.

I did indeed say that having covered their arses when they went to the Phillipines, Majorca, Singapore, Reading Festival, a concert and when my STBXH was in hospital twice last year and when he was too ill to have their children immediately after.

I honestly cannot see why they cant have her daughter and his/our children there together as a one off. They do live in a flat but they can all bunk in together, no? The kids get along though I agree it would be hard work if they were all there every time they visit.

Anyway, I have never asked to swap weekends before or for them to help out beyond the minimum and considering everything I have done to be flexible I think on this one occasion they could just say yes and not be so negative.

The upshot is, after a mile long email from STBXHs GF with her tail of woe and detailed explanation about her stress and this that and the other, I just replied:

Thanks.

Probably not the response she wanted but she is a moody cow and I couldnt be arsed to enter into a dialogue about it.

What would you say?

OP posts:
Lweji · 21/06/2013 12:04

I'd take her to the event and they could have her whenever else they want.

And stop allowing them to swap for their holidays.

saggyhairyarse · 21/06/2013 12:12

I will be taking her. They wont swap so my kids wont see their Dad for a month.

I don't allow them to swap, it is a fait accompli, he comes round and announces theyve booked this and that and doormat here ha to get on with it. They wouldnt not go and as I have the kids, if theyve left the country then theres not much you can do.

OP posts:
Lweji · 21/06/2013 12:16

True, but it's his loss. (she probably doesn't give a toss and may well be happy for him to ditch your DD)

Your DD will know who she can depend on.

My DS realises that his dad doesn't care that much about him, and has once said he didn't want to speak to him because he hadn't warned him he wasn't able to to the regular skype contact.

saggyhairyarse · 21/06/2013 12:27

This is true :)

OP posts:
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