How do you stop a messy personal life interfereing with your professional life?

[superstarheartbreaker]

My messy personal life is self-inflicted (mh issues). I got pregnant 6 months into a relationship with a man who I was not even living with. At the time I was just starting my NQT year so very bad timing all round but for me, abortion was not an option.
At work I felt that my situation was disapproved of and there were a few serious incidents involving students cyber bullying me with violent comments about my baby.
Management tried to silence me etc and said that the cyber bullying was my fault due to ineffective teaching...I just felt picked on for falling pregnant.
dd is now 5 and i am working in education in a different school but not teaching. I'd love to get back into it but I have had a lot of time out. I can't get promoted where I am as management said I don't have enough experience. I wasn't wrong to want to have my baby was I? I really didn't want to end up alone...the timing was just wierd. I have let my personal life effect my professional life. How do you not?
I had to tell management of my circumstances; they knew I wasn't married an ethe bump was obvious!

Sorry to hear that, have you tried talking to the teacher support line about what happened?

Apart from that, I would honestly try to put that in the past and make an objective decision about whether or not you want to go into teaching NOW. Is it right for you, for your DD? Or, do you think that you want to go back into it because you have unfinished business there?

There is no point raking over the past about your baby and the rights and wrongs of trying to do an awful lot of things simultaneously! Your DD is 5 and you need to plan your future. That seems to hinge on getting a proper teaching job. You need to hatch a good plan to do just that. Do you have anyone to mentor or help you?

www.education.gov.uk/get-into-teaching/returning-to-teaching.aspx You can speak to a return to teaching government advisor on this website on by phone - they can advise you on your situation, if your PGCE is valid - did you finish your NQT year? etc.

It really was no one's business how and why you were pregnant so I think Bonsoir is right you need to draw a line under it and see how to move forward. Also at interview just say you left to have a child if asked why you left teaching - do not go into all the details or the cyberbullying etc.

Could someone at your present school let you observe and maybe then take a few lessons to build your confidence ?

That sounds like an awful situation, especially as your status as a soon-to-be single mum shouldn't have made any difference to the way you were treated by your students or management. You don't need to tell a workplace about how you became a single mum. It has no bearing on how you work and frankly it's none of their business.

Now your DD is a bit older it seems like a good time to get back into things. However make sure you want to go back into teaching because you want to teach, as its very hard work and you'll find you'll be working in the evening most nights after your DD is in bed in the first couple of years!

Perhaps you could get in touch with one of the teacher unions for some advice? You might need some further training as its been a while since your NQT year and would help your confidence.

Hope it works out for you!

Time to stop feeling guilty, Superstarheartbreaker - it's no longer relevant how you came to be a single mum. Even if you'd been married, and planned a baby, then you could still be in the same position now.

Anyway, well done on surviving the last few years! You are now a strong and brave woman. Your experience as a mother, and in education, will help make you a much better teacher (if that's what you decide to go for).

Good luck!

Just to add . . . don't feel it's necessary to be a teacher for the status.

My friend Debbie had a science degree, PhD, PGCE and passed her probationary year, before deciding to re-train as a Learning Support Assistant. It's all about whatever best suits the rest of your life, not about status.

I always try to think, how many of my problems would still exist if I was still in a realtionship with exp. And when I really think about it, a lot of them would still be there. Whilst doing this will not eliminate all your concerns it will eliminate some.

Just last night a married friend was worrying about child care during the school summer holidays, her husband was not involved wrongly in making any of the arrangements. It doesn't make it right that you have to juggle more things but the situation is as it is and you can only do what is best for you and DS given your own circumstances at this current time. Good luck you have already come a long way and it is fine to every now and again say `this is quite hard at the moment' I know I do and many parents in couples do.
I agree with the other posts about putting the past behind you, they will have little or no say in your future and how you choose to live your life making choices you have chosen to make.

Your personal life is of no concern to your employer and should never be a barrier to progress. What you experienced in the past sounds like the most horrendous discrimination and bullying.... totally unacceptable and illegal. You could have sued someone and probably still can. So get the experience and go for the job. No-one should ever ask you anything about your personal life in relation to employment and, if they do, you remind them that it is illegal. Mental (or physical) health issues are also a private matter unless they'd have some direct bearing on your ability to carry out your role competently.

However, I would actively consider looking at other jobs outside teaching. It is very easy to think 'teaching or nothing' when you are working in a school, but there is a whole world of jobs out there....

Maybe some general careers advice would be a better route?