I'm *desperate* for another baby

[Tea1Sugar]

Hi everyone,

Long time lurker here in need of some advice. I'm 25, my dp is 32. We've been together 18months, and have been living together 7months. I have a 3yo daughter from a previous relationship.

I have what I can only describe as an overwhelming desire for a second child. Every pregnant woman I see makes me feel horribly jealous. Every baby I see makes my heart melt. (God just reading that back makes me sound like an obsessive freak).

About 3months ago I mentioned this to my dp. He categorically said he's not ready. I cried by myself and tried to shelve it. Since then I've raised the conversation two more times. I've told him how much this means to me, how I'm desperate for my daughter to have a sibling, how I don't want a huge age gap between them, how financially stable and secure we are, how he's the one and only man I ever want to be with but this overwhelming urge for another baby is literally taking over my head and heart.

Monday was my birthday. Turning 25 (I know, I know still young, still got loads of ticking time on my biological clock) seemed a bit of an age milestone for me and I had a case of verbal diarrohea where I ended up spilling all my thoughts out again. He said he wants me forever, he wants to marry me and have kids etc and that we could 'think' about all 'that' in a year. A year to 'think'?!

He has said previously if we ever had an 'accident', he'd support me 100% so I know deep down he does want a baby. He'll be 33 soon, and I know for a fact he doesn't want to be an old dad.

Over to you mumsnetters, slap me!

Do not get pregnant without mutual commitment - he will resent you in the end.

A year is not forever, Im a very close to your age and been with DH 7 years, I have a child from a previous relationship who idolises his SD but we are young are there is no need to rush.

No one ever get the age gap right and I was very jealous when my new SIL and DBIL had 2 babies in 2 years but I love my DN but remembered all the hard work too.

7 months living together, enjoy a few more years bringing up your daughter and evaluate where you are next year.

Good luck.

You have to wait until both of you are ready, anything else is selfish and unfair on the child.

I know that and wouldn't get pregnant deliberately. But I don't want to wait years . I don't want my daughter to be 6+ before I have another baby. I love this guy so much but don't want to put my life on hold which is why I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

It's too soon to have another child. I completely hear the overwhelming urge to have another child (it's stronger when you're ovulating, right? BTDT) but you could wait FIVE years and your fertility wouldn't have shifted much - there's truly no hurry.

You've already missed the boat for your daughter to have a really close-in-age sibling - because even if you were pregnant now there'd be a four year gap, and they really would be at different stages for almost all of their childhoods. So mourn the fantasy sibling relationship, and look forward in a couple of years time to embarking on something very different but equally full of potential, with a bigger age gap (and a relationship in which the first flush of romance has passed and reality has begun to set in, which is a much better situation in which to start having a family IMO).

I know to others/everyone it seems irrational, but this overwhelming broodiness has my in tears most days. Silent tears in the bathroom away from dp. He's taking me away tomorrow for the weekend to celebrate my birthday. What should I do? Please help :(

Just be extremely grateful you have one lovely child and a loving and supportive partner. I understand broodiness, had it myself, but it would be so unfair of you to force him into another child. Just leave it for a little while

Your relationship is still very new, seven months of living together is nothing. He is being very reasonable not to rush into such a huge commitment with what is essential a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship.

You have 10 plus years to have another child, putting pressure on him now or having an "accident" could lead you back to being single and on your own again.