ED

[gentlemendontpreferblondes]

ED or does my DH just not fancy me? been married over 20 years. from day one in our relationship we have had this problem. (so that's over 25 years) we hve DC's so it's worked sometimes. i am being eaten up inside. DH wont go Drs and on odd occasion when he feels he should, he gets Viagra then loses it or just wont take it. maybe he's gay. he stays in a lot. only goes out when i drag him along. people say i'm attractive. Dunno. anyone else had experience of this.

Haven't experienced it directly but I sympathise. As it happens I've known a remarkably large number of men, all married with children, that were gay and have since come out but it's impossible to tell if that's the problem here on the information provided.

What I principally think here is that he's is not taking responsibility for the problem. He should be making a lot more effort to resolve something that is clearly affecting you (and your relationship) very badly indeed. 'Won't go to the doctor' is not the action of a caring man, it's the action of a selfish 'I'm all right Jack' man. Either that or it's the action of a man that knows full well why your sex-life is so poor, that it isn't a medical/psychological issue, but won't admit it. If he's also anti-social and having to be dragged out of the house maybe you're just incompatible?

thank you Cogito for replying. i think we might just be that. incompatible. we seem to be drifting along. it makes me hugely resentful that he won't evehn fucking take a viagra. i am quite a passionate girl in the bedroom. but now i sleep with my back to him. i hate our sex life. i want more than this. we're not getting any younger and there's a few other things that make me unhappy. to admit to them would make me feel ungrateful. he's a bit grumpy, especially in the mornings. i jump out of my skin when he shouts my name (like, X i haven't got a clean shirt!). he has NEVER laid a finger on me or the DC's but he does rule the roost. I don't want to annhilate him because in other ways he is a nice man. i am a SAHM, just starting out on the work place again, so some of my own money trickling in. i rely on him for everything. he keeps plugging away at the business (self employed) and we have a comfortable life. AIBU? i don't know any more. i just know i'm desperately unhappy. all i want to do is sleep and drink wine. bottom line, he is was my best friend, and maybe tht's how it should be.

It's not 'U' to want to feel loved and appreciated. That should be a given in a good relationship. Sounds like you feel obliged to put up with the unhappiness & the grumpy, no sex, bossy stuff just because he... I don't know... works long hours or is away from home a lot (?) to finance your comfortable life. Also sounds like you believe that, by being a dependent SAHM, you're not contributing and therefore can't complain ... you mention being ungrateful ..... or maybe that's what he tells you, I don't know.

The resentment and depression you're experiencing is due entirely to feeling powerless. Ironic really, given that he's the one who's meant to be impotent.

I think you have stop feeling grateful and assert yourself. You only get one shot at life and it's a pity to waste it looking at the bottom of a wine-glass and thinking 'is that all there is'?