Apparently I can rely on him as long as I don't need him too much!

[Mistresshunter]

Does this make sense to anyone? Can't work out if my DP is being reasonable or a bit of a twat! We are in a long distance relationship and he recently let me down big time as I lost my Dad last year and so found last Sunday very hard, he reassured me he would be around in evening to talk but he buggered off drinking with friends instead and didn't even text me to tell me his change of plans. His explanation was that I can rely on him but only if I don't need to too much!
Think it might be a men and intimacy issue or could just be he is a selfish git.......

Yes MBL I think it ended up being one of those studies which had to be stopped after a few days and the control group taken off the placebo, as the results were so amazing

He sounds like a cock. Get rid.

You could be me years ago.My H acted like this and I just couldn't understand the behaviour.He wasn't honest enough to be as frank as you partner.

Not surprisingly its hasn't got any better..he has let me down on most occasions and its finally sinking in.The behaviour is selfishness, it took a counsellor to help define the behaviour as of course he doesn't act selfishly all the time. Your partner is telling you he will follow his agenda when it suits him.If that happens to match your needs then fine but he will not adjust his behaviour for your needs.That's a very clear message but it means he will never offer you true partnership.

I really wish I had the opportunity to change my reaction when he first let me down.He also blamed me and this is such a major flag.In my my mind I thought the good out weighted the bad but selfishness is such a negative behaviour that a relationship can never flourish.

If I had my time again I would have ended the relationship on the first occurrence as selfish behaviour becomes entitlement and affects all areas of your life.

Think I have an answer to my question!!

We are both in our forties, I have children from a previous relationship, he has been single most of his life and it shows! The advantage of it all being long distance is no rush to do anything, easy to disengage and take a break from communicating so will let dust settle and have a good weekend seeing friends instead.

I do despair though as was talking to a friend earlier and her attitude was all men are selfish twats so don't make too big a deal of it, they all end up letting you down in the end.......if that is true then I will give up trying to have a meaningful relationship and go for being satisfied in other ways instead :-)

Are you sure he knows that you consider him your partner rather than a FWB? Of course he might be a very selfish man, but it might also be the case that you and he have never actually discussed whether this is a relationship or whether you are people who hook up for a bit of fun when you are in the same area.

The main features of LDRs are absence and pain.

Think your friend's attitude is just plain wrong actually. Not all men are self serving twats by any means, many are actually decent and kind. She is picking poorly for all sorts of reasons; perhaps she likes "bad boys" or wants to rescue and or save "wounded birds".

Think carefully what you yourself have learnt about relationships to date and totally re-assess your approach to relationships. What you have tried to date clearly is not working.

DH is far more supportive, intimate and emotionally intelligent than me.

It's not all men

"all men are selfish twats" is obviously no truer than "all women are selfish twats".

This man, on the other hand, is definitely a selfish twat.