Ex-H feigning devastation and ruining my friend's life

[Roundtheruggedrocks]

Posting for a friend (haven't managed to convince her of the joys of mumsnet yet, but hopefully this will.)

She had an acrimonious divorce from a financially and emotionally abusive (yet superficially charming) Ex-H. She left him after he told their DCs that she didn't love them. As soon as she left him, her Ex-H took it upon himself to cry publicly in every possible place where people in the community would notice - school gates, pub, on the street. He said he wanted to kill himself, blamed my friend for his suicidal feelings and, with his friends and family's support, banned her (not by law) to come to any social or public events he might be at alone or with the DCs (he told her if they bumped into each other, even by accident, she would have to leave. And if she was invited anywhere she would have to text him 7 days in advance to see if he was planning to go too, and if he was planning to go - she wasn't allowed. He said he couldn't bear to see her, that he was a "sensitive soul," that he will "never touch another woman again" and that he is considering becoming a monk!

My friend, stupidly, agreed to this because she felt guilty for leaving, and every time she disagreed or asked permission to attend something, her ex-H made out to the DCs and mutual friends that she was deliberately torturing him and hampering his "grief process." She lost many friends, mainly because she played by his rules and didn't show up to things she was invited to, and was plagued by her own guilt for breaking up the family. Hence she never sought to clear her name, and she became isolated.

However, in a strange karmic twist, one of MY other friends has JUST revealed to me that she was having an affair with my friend's Ex-H the ENTIRE time they were married and only broke it off after finding out that after his divorce from my friend, he's been shagging a whole load of other women simultaneously (6 apparently) all whom he had individually manipulated into staying schtum about it. All this from someone who is apparently heartbroken and will "never touch another woman again."

I have told my friend about this and she feels vindicated but wants to get his true character more known so that she can stop being persona non grata and clear her name. How would you get the message out there in a dignified way?

First off she's got to abandon these ridiculous rules. She should go where ever she wants, when she wants.

She could contact a few of the key players in her old circles and let the truth be known. Hopefully they'll spread the word, but they'd have had to be daft as brushes not to see through his manipulative tactics, so maybe she's better off without them?

If she hasn't already, she should get a residence order sorted out with clear parameters about their individual contact with the children.

I hope you're ditching this friend of yours who was shagging your mate's husband all through their marriage and only dumped him when she realised she wasn't the only one .

Well for a start she goes where she wants when she wants. And ignores any tears and drama.

Plus I would just confide in a few friends how I had been taken in. People can't help but gossip.

I wouldn't want to get involved in any more drama with him. I would want want him to be such a tiny part of my life. I wouldn't tell anyone what you'd just told me.

Gosh. Why would your friend want to carry on the drama with such a manipulative, self-serving horror as her exH? She needs to cut off from him and carry on with her own life.