Im sorry but I just have to have a rant!

[catkin14]

I left my EA, critical, manipulative H over 3 months ago.

After 5 weeks of tears and devastation from him it was as if someone had flicked a switch. All of a sudden he was a diiferent man, happy, going out, indications are he has met 'someone else'. All understandable and fine. We were married 27 years.
In his 'devastated' period he promised our DS the earth, said he would give up all his weekends to be with them, take them on holiday etc, none of which has happened or is going to happen.

We are in the process of trying to sell a house and i am doing all the work. He will not tell me where he is living or where he is so that I can arrange for stuff to be signed.
We are getting divorced too, and again he is being so unhelpful.
He knows what is going on in my life because he asks DS, but when I ask him anything I just hit a brick wall.
Is this more mind games or just the way it is?
Maybe its just been a bad day
Just slap me.

This is all the pattern of the EA hun, he is playing mind games.

I assume you know where he works? Have all paperwork sent by recorded delivery to that address.

My ex did the same when I first left in terms of tears and tantrums and promising me the earth - as soon as he realised I was determined that we weren't giving things another go he has been defiant and obstinate.

Good luck cos I left nearly a year ago and am no further forward as the tosser has refused to pay his solicitor so everything has come to a grinding halt

I left my EA, critical, manipulative H over 3 months ago.

He hasn't changed. He is still the same EA, critical manipulative person.

Send him an email or text with a read notification function and let him know that if his stuff is not collected by X date it will be taken to the dump/charity shop. Then ignore it until that date.

Crack on with the divorce. Do as much of the paperwork etc you can yourself to reduce your costs and get your solicitor to confirm final draft.

You cannot control his actions you can only control your reaction to it.

Even if you have one, fake indifference and don't let on.

Thanks for replies.
I think the speed at which his tune changed has pulled the rug from under my feet a little. That and how little time he is prepared to give his DC's.
Although I shouldnt be surprised. Even his friends said he is the most selfish man they knew!

I dont rise to the bait tho, quite proud of myself on that. I suppose he is trying to get me to think he has such a fab life now?
He has told me on many occassions recently that we never had a marriage, pity he never said that while we were married!
GGRRRRRRR!

He is goading you catkin, he wants a response.

Ignore the twat cos it will piss him off even more!

How old is your DS? Is he old enough to understand what is going on with his dad?

Agree with him that you never had a marriage, you instead got saddled with a man-child. He sounds a twat. Don't engage. Sorry you are going through this OP.

Thanks again.
So am I sorry!
DS is 14.
Sadly we have to have contact because of sorting money/house/contents etc.
I cant wait for it all to be sorted so that I dont have to have anymore to do with him.
He was indeed a manchild!
I think I am going to have to take up some sort of intensive exercise just to work off some of my frustration with the whole sad story!

I know what intense exercise you could take up that would definitely take your mind off of him

Thistooshallpass.Thistooshallpass.Thistooshallpass.Thistooshallpass.

... and when it does you will be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

ok so at 14 he is old enough to see his dad for what he really is...whatever you do though don't bad mouth him or imply that dad will let him down or cancel plans - I know that seems like a huge task but it is important.

Make sure contact you have with EXH is done in writing, if you don't have a residential address then use email or write to him via his work address.

If he is being an arse about signing divorce papers etc then talk to your solicitor, they can use a private bod who basically turns up and hands them to your EXH and then swears to a judge that this has been done - costs about £150-200 I think or there are the court baliffs - this is only about £50 I think but much more awkward to sort out. Again this can all be done at his work address.

However, if your DS is going to be visiting EXH then you do need to know where he is living as you need to know where your DS will be and if he refuses then refuse to allow him things like overnight contact and explain to your DS that its not about spiting his dad and is completely about making sure that he is safe.

it is going to be a long hard slog hun but it will be worth it!

Thanks,
All contact is logged on email or text or via solicitor. We are talking about a very clever, cold calculating man here so I am playing him at his own game there.

I dont bad mouth him to any of his DC's, even tho it is really hard sometimes. But I think they are beginning to see how it all is, and always has been really.

ExH only collects DS and takes him swimming etc, he never takes him to where hes living. He only spends approx 3-4 hours a week with him if that. Sometimes its every 2-3 weeks. Hes so busy these days he says. Exh this is, not DC.
None of his DC's know where he lives, other 2 are much older than 14 yr old.
Ive got to stop feeling GRRR, cos if I dont it means hes got to me again!

sounds like you are doing everything right hun, and you are bang on the kids will see him for the worthless tosser he is on their own.

IME boys will see it faster and will fiercely protect mum so you may find that your 14yo will cease the contact himself.

All the not seeing and 'being too busy' goes well for maintenance which I bet he hasn't thought about yet! As the less he has them the more he has to pay as it goes on the number of nights he has them as well as his earnings.

The fact you can see that he is cold and calculating means that any power he once had over you has gone and that is probably the source of his belligerence. He knows now that you are strong enough to cope and he can't manipulate you and that will be pissing him off big time. There is nothing a bully hates more than losing control over their victim!