So I have been with this bloke for about a year and in almost every way I am very happy. He is solvent, tidy, thoughtful, affectionate, calls when he says he will but without being clingy. Everyone I have introduced him to has liked him, he is good with nephew and niece and so on. The sex is constant and is so out of this world it makes me cry sometimes.
He doesn't drink or play golf or watch football, he will sit through almost anything I want entertainment wise, he is massively chilled out and I have never seen him get up tight about anything.
This leads me to the catch, a few months after we hooked up he was emptying stuff out of boxes and among the stuff was a photograph of a woman. She was his wife, he is a widower. He just said "she's dead now", put the photo away, said a bit more and it hasn't really come up again.
I think the catch is that the completely chilled out persona I adore is because compared to losing his wife, absolutely nothing seems that important to him. And I think this would include splitting up with me, ie if it happened he'd get over it because he's trained himself.
This is not the same as grieving, I don't think, or is it? You'd not expect someone to get over this in six months but for him it's been five or six years. I am thinking the grieving is past but there's a change in personality effect. Is that possible?
I've been with men before where you could tell that you weren't as important to them as Chelsea of whatever. He's not like that, it's not that there's something that engages him and it's not me. I feel I have his undivided attention and I matter, but I feel sort of wounded that if I ended it he would just, I don't know, recover.
It's hard to talk to him about, not because he doesn't communicate but because what the hell do you say? "If I left would you miss me?" - stupid question.
What would you do?