Please talk to me about feeling free of power of ex husband

[Notcontent]

So once again I am sitting her crying my eyes out because my exH is being a dick. I need you to tell me I can deal with this.

It's been quite a few years since he left but because we have a young DC I cannot be completely free of him. He is not a bad person. But I feel ,I've I never know what he will do next. He left when DC was very little and has had very little involvement in their day to day life. But every so often he will make decisions about them without consulting me - e.g. Booking a holiday with DC and telling me at very short notice after I had already made other plans.

I feel like he is a shadow over my life that I will never be free from. I know this is horrible, and i apologise sincerely to anyone upset or offended by this, but I often thought it would have been easier to be a widow, because the grief may be easier to bear than constant anxiety.

I guess maybe some counselling would help to make me feel stronger but I can't see a way to make this situation go away.

I actually meant to post this in relationships.

You can deal with it. But you have to tackle it. Say no if it's not acceptable. And not giving you warning about holidays etc isn't acceptable.

Easier said than done I suppose. But you have to stand up for yourself.

Better advice will follow. Good luck.

If you are the resident parent, then he has to ask your permission to take the children abroad. It's the one privilege you get of being the resident parent!! You don't say if the holiday is abroad or at home though.
You sound low. My ex is a controlling sociopath and is far too excited by the prospect of winding me up. I often question will I ever be rid? You have to limit contact to the bare minimum, not react when they want a reaction, insist on common decency - pick them up on their tone of voice etc if they are out of line. Things like holidays should be discussed prior to booking.
You need to take control and decide what it is that is acceptable to you and then tell him that this is how things are done/how he should speak to you and point blank refuse to discuss anything if those conditions are not met.
Don't let him control your life. It takes a little practice but you can do it. x

Thanks for taking the time to respond ladies.
Yes, I am feeling low. Actually feeling a little bit better now after having a good cry!
I do need to take control.... I think part of the problem is that i hate conflict so have always tried to be "nice" about everything.

ooh you've got to stop being nice!

My ex was also a controlling sociopath (aka narc) and we had a timetable, drafted by his wife lol. We also had court orders to ensure access times were to the minute - I kid you not, that's how it had to be. He tried to take my kids abroad but there was no way I could give my permission.

Lovely, you have to get hard-nosed about this. He is mucking you about and you're feeling like he's a shadow that is never going to go. If you're taller than him, he's in your shadow. So stand up and get taller, sweetie xxx

How you feeling notcontent?