How do i change my behaviour towards men?

[chocolatecakeystuff]

Ok - so I've had several short lived relationships over the past few years, the longest being just over a year, and ended pretty horrificly.

Now, when I meet guys I fancy, for what ever reason I act like a slag, obviously this makes people interested in me for the wrong reasons. I should just add I don't actually sleep about/ have sex straight away, but conversations seem to be very sexually orientated. I know I shouldn't do it, but u just can't help myself, and end up 'being one of the lads'

My best friend always tells me off for it, but I just don't know how to go about 'flirting' without making myself abailable. I think part of the problem is I feel like I haven't got anything to offer someone, and don't want a relationshi thsts going to progress in the normal sense, of moving in / kids/ marrige et as I have a daughter who is very poorly & will not introduce any man into our relationship.

Prime example of this in the last week I've been having some work done on a wet room & subsequently ended up with one of the builders numbers, he's lovely but seems to think he's going to get his leg over

Just read this out of interest because it sounds very similar to me. I am male btw..wondered if my though process might offer some relief/company.

In my case I love talking about sex and relationships because my friendship group has always been mostly female, but because of that comfort with talking about it and because my better relationships started physically I do the same as you, flirt sexually but its not a problem if the wavelength is the same.. but it can lead to some problems.

I feel the same as you..in that I feel my best selling point at the moment is my sexual confidence / ability to have quite stressfree sorts of 'things' which lets face it a lot of people like and are flattered by I generally feel positive about it- for example someone in the last few years went to bed with me several times because none of her exes every gave her oral sex.. What was sad there is that we got on well and now there is a bit of 'was I being used' on both sides even though we were clear what we were doing.

When I feel down or lonely I sometimes regret that other depths weren't considered..or more accurately I realuise later that the good sex also meant good functioning on other levels but it got missed. With me this is communication. I kept deeper feelings to myself in case it burst a bubble of good times.

However I also have to take responsibility that sometimes all I am seeking is good pally type sex precisely because I dont feel like I have much to offer in the way of long term relationship, I had a terrible work experience that has left me underemployed with debts. When I meet someone I really like I am terrified that I will be the man they regret being with and sort of feel like if I really like them others can offer that 'good deal'

I know I can do fun short term well. and that its more likely that I will stay in friendly contact longer too so tgat has been sort of what I offer..

Recently that attitude has changed..but conditions are the same -I would be adding 10k of debt (but also a flat) to a rel. which, irrational as it is, feel isn't good enough..

I also am aware that until I get myself feeling sorted I might be an annoying partner. . but the flipside of this is that with thr right partner how I ferl would change dramatically.

Also don't forget that if this is right for you and works and you are reasonably happy then it might only be trying to please your friend that is causing you to feel bad about this. One of my friends criticises me however I flirt.. and even selects tables away from people in pubs because he knows conversations might start that he is uncomfortable with.. but not because of them being sexual.just because he doesn't like women talking to me and blames me when we are away.. friends don't always advise you in a way that has your interests uppermost.. she might just be bad at slightly sexual flirting or openly sexual conversations.