It's Fathers Day here - and the father has gone.
I've a 15 month DD. I work part time three days a week and my DH is full time. He does his share around the house and I have no complaints.
DH has been ill for a while and this week he had an ulcer. That seems to have been fixed now though he's been ill and it has really affected us. I was supportive, got him to the doctors, encouraged him to take it seriously. He's also been negotiated a new job which is taking ages. I think he's priced himself out of it but he is always worried about money and wants to make sure there is enough. he's very stressed about it.
I returned to work when DD was 1. It didn't start very well as I had to delay the start because my DH's father was ill and he needed to go and help his mother so I had to use my holiday up so that he could go. I am struggling at work - its a high pressure enivironment and I'm in a new area. The management is all over me checking what I'm doing. This week they complained about my time spent in the office (or the recording of it) and the head of the department wants to see my break downs. I don't like the job, despite trying to give it my best, my DH has had his medical issues and my DD has been ill. I've had to take a lot of time off work to sort this out. Now I'm basically being told that I'm not committed enough. I feel really angry about this because previously I was really good at what I did - now I'm in a new place and I don't have any goodwill or reputation to trade on. The job is not good.
All this is background - with all this stress, my relationship has fallen apart. Sex dwindled to maybe once a month and not good when it happened. After being placed on report this week by my job, I just blew my stack at DH because I thought he wasn't supporting me enough in returning to work. I went out on Friday night for a drink and for once didn't tell him who I was with. Petty but it was just a female friend.
We argued this morning. Badly. I started it. Some low blows about sex which is true but I shouldn't have done. This morning he accused me of having an affair and that he can do nothing right. Then he packed his bags and left, saying he will be back on Tuesday to look after our DD.
I don't want to split up but I don't know what to do. It seems really hard for me to manage my job, DD and his illness. I feel that its always me who has to sacrifice time, job or career for the rest of the family. I feel angry, and yet I don't know who at. Maybe at DH but not really. I just feel anger that my life seems so difficult and everytime I feel that I've got it going, something else happens which means I have to drop everything and see to it.
He's not coming home until Tuesday. He doesn't strike me as the type to have an affair - but I feel we are both at the end of our tethers and neither of us know how to resolve it. I don't want him to leave me forever, but I do know that things can't carry on as they are.
I have texted him to say only that I am sorry and we will speak when he is back. But I really need some advice as to how to repair this mess and what I can do. I feel so busy that its like my brain is offline - and then all I've got is feelings which pour out at inappropriate times.
Thanks if you got that far. Just typing it out makes me see how much there is.