Lonely

[Drhamsterstortoise]

Hi all-I'm new to mumsnet.long time lurker.Just wanted some advice please.We have two beautiful little girls-four and six weeks.My partner works away 3 days during the week-tough but manageable.What is really bothering me is that he is training for an ironman which takes up all his free time-very long training sessions .He has'nt been involved with the new baby very much.I am breastfeeding.He is great at housework.I am finding it hard to keep up with it at the moment and he can't understand this.His family are supportive of his goal so I just wonder am I being unreasonable here to want him around more?

Sorry-posted twice there.i'm new-il get the hang of it!

On the 2 days he doesn't work away, what does he do? When is the Ironman event?

I can fully understand your resentment yes. Your dd is 6 weeks & I'm guessing you're not getting much sleep & having to organise the 4 year old as well. That's a lot of work & it would overwhelm anybody.

Have you tried to talk to him about how he needs to be more involved & at home more? I'm not sure whether he's being selfish or just doesn't know what's expected of him?

Ironman??

Sheesh.

Hi onetiredmummy.Having been through it with our older dd I'd say he does know what's expected but he says that there are a lot of men worse than him out there

Yes there are but that doesn't mean he can get away with not pulling his weight. He knows what he's doing.

Have you told him you need him at home more? What did he say?

His family are either as selfish as he is or they don't understand how you feel.

Thanks for the reply.yes it's been discussed at length.I feel better this morning as i'm at home with baby - who slept all morning.Managed to get the house tidied and blow dry my hair-so that always helps!I suppose sometimes it all gets on top of me when I've had a hard week with no break.He expects the house to be spotless.Not a priority to me at the moment but I try to keep on top of it .Hopefully when the ironman is over he will start pulling his weight more.I gave him a taste of his own medicine yesterday He looked after the girls for a few hours, put the eldest to bed,did the shopping and made the dinner.When he went to sit down I told him that the bathroom needed to be cleaned( I was joking).He had done something similar during the week to me when I was clearly exhausted.Well you should have seen the look on his face.How could he possibly when he had a crying baby in his arms?I think he might be getting the message!

Expects the house to be spotless does he? Well, a suitable response to 'the bathroom needs cleaning' (or whatever) is - feel free, you know where the cleaning stuff is!! I find that shuts my teenagers up a treat if they ever comment on some chore that's overdue doing. Hopefully if you stop busting a gut to please him by working to his standards, until such time as he's ready to reciprocate, he'll get the message. You're his wife not his cleaning lady.

Why not pay a cleaner to do it?

Yes I think that's definitely an option.We can both afford it and it would free up a lot of time.

Just as an aside, how was he with DD1 when she was a baby?

He was much better,, drove a very long way to and from work every day and thought I was amazing for going through childbirth and breastfeeding.I do remember a few months down the line though I was on my own alot again.he was very overwhelmed by it.this time he is too preoccupied with the training.when he's with us I can tell he feels he should be training-like when we pass someone on a bike or even when I was home the day after having baby he spent most of the week training.his mother looked after dd1