Is it better to be assertive with people and choosy about who you are friends with or is it better to just 'get on with everyone'?

[MrsRhysMeyers]

I've been pondering this recently quite a lot.

I used to be the latter but these days I am a lot more assertive, and I am really quite picky about who I am friends with, although I do have acquaintances I socialise with too. I am far happier the way I am now, and wonder why I spent years trying to be friends with everyone and get on with everyone regardless of how they treated me.

Which type are you?

I'm better off being pickier and more assertive. I tried being friends with everyone, but it didn't work out.

I feel these days that people in general are far more respectful towards me, QueenofWhispers. Do you find the same? I don't know if I give off more an air of having boundaries these days. I think I make people work a bit harder if they want to be my friend than I used to

People mistake acquaintances for friends. Colleagues should remain just that.

I'm a bit of both. I get on well with people generally, but I bust a gut for very few.
I'm dead friendly and chatty, but conversely, I choose to spend quite a lot of time in my own company. If I invite you to my house, then I hold you in the highest regard. I see my home as my cave, and seldom offer it up for invasion.

I'm an outgoing introvert.

I am a bit like that, pictish. I'll happily chat away and socialise on a night out or at the school gates or wherever, but I love my own company too.

Learning to be assertive. Used to be friendly with everyone but found I was becoming a doormat. Life is a lot better if you are picky and weed out the folk who aren't worth the time.

I've been pondering something very similar lately. I don't have many friends, but the ones I have are very dear, old friends. I've been wondering if I am a bit of a freak for not being able to "bond" with the school mums/ playschool mums. Many of them have become mates, go out for lunches, jog together, BBQs, meet up as families. This has all passed me by, because I'm a bit stand-offish. I sometimes wish I could join in and be all chummy, but it would feel false and forced. I just can't "make friends" at the drop of a hat. Not sure if that means I'm pickier.

I'm assertive and choosy about friends, but I've made a lot of them over the years from every place I've ever spent a lot of time: school, work, the school gates, volunteering, neighbours.

It takes a long time to win my trust and respect, but once you have I'm loyal and if I've got something to say, I'll say it to your face and to no-one else. This is why I keep my friends, I think, which is just as important if not more so than making them.

Well, I do feel that the quality of people that surround me now are much nicer and more deserving of my friendship. I feel like I respect myself more now that I've become a bit more choosy.

I don't want many friends; I'm happy with just a few good quality ones.

I think you've hit the nail on the head QueenofWhispers; I respect myself far more now that I won't tolerate certain behaviours/people.

I find I am a lot harsher than I used to be. I have some ex friends from whom I put up with crap for years; things like being an hour late meeting me each time (and I'd wait in the meeting place like a lemon), and bitching about me behind my back. I think I used to be quite terrified of dumping any friends as I couldn't bear the thought of someone not liking me. I was happy to have 'friends' whatever the cost

What pictish said. I have a tiny group of very close friends that I've had for years. I enjoy my own company and never feel lonely even when DP is away for weeks at a time or when my friends are away/busy etc. I have colleagues at work that I like and get on with that satisfies the day to day social interaction needs for me. Oh and DS keeps me entertained!

I guess that may come to bite me on the bum when I'm lots older, retired etc but it takes me ages to make friends and I'm very choosy. But I rather think that I'll probably be just the same when I'm 80 as I am now. I shall probably be quite content at home with my cats, spending hours doing my family tree and drinking wine

I dont have a lot of time spare for the friends I have and care about (ft shiftwork with a toddler). Therefore I can and do say that I just dont have time in my life to make room for people Im not fussed about being there.