new single mum, help me keep it together

[bigstrongmama]

Keeping this vague as h is probably lurking. My h did something really horrible to me (on top of lots of previous things) and we have now separated.

I am happy he has gone, and will not take him back this time, but need to find a way to move forward and make things ok for the dcs. I am starting to feel kind of overwhelmed already. I have a counsellor, and supportive friends and relatives and I am determined to move forwards. Previously when we have split, I fell apart and couldn't go through with it. I need to stay strong this time.

Any tips for holding it together and building a new positive life would be great...

One day at a time. Wine. Chocolate. You will get yourself back, and feel better. Promise.

You are going to have to learn to love yourself, when you love yourself you won't want to be around anyone who treats you like shit.

Thanks. Sounds like good advice, will follow carefully, especially the wine and chocolate. And dragons, that hurts but only because it is partly true. He didn't treat me like shit all the time though. The rest of the time it was good. Think that is why it is so confusing.

Oh sorry didn't mean for it to hurt! It's what I have wrote out on my fridge chalk board to stop myself going back. Sorry

But basically someone on here said that anyone who makes you really cry because of how they treat you doesn't love you and it struck a few bells with me and thats how I interpreted it to fit my mind.

Oh I didn't mean you upset me, I could do with a bit of straight talking! It's just quite horrible when you realise people can only treat you as badly as you let them, so I am partly responsible really.

Thanks Viking1. Practically, I think I have a rough idea of tax credits and maintenance etc. But haven't begun to sort it.

Not sure how to broach subject of maintenance with h. He is currently being pleasant because he thinks this is only temporary. I've made it clear it is not, but he doesn't listen. He is likely to turn nasty when he realises. I don't know whether to go straight to a solicitor or to try to work it out between ourselves for now? Either way I think I will leave it for a week or two to keep the peace while the dcs settle.