Just found that DH has been looking at live video/webchat porn site

[BlueSprite]

Just that really. Dickhead left his email inbox open on the computer. I suspected he looked at porn (though he has said in the past he doesn't), but it's a bit different when he's watching and chatting to other women online, isn't it?

Feel really fucking shit about this actually, and just want to chat to someone. I've name changed because he knows my normal username, but I am a regular (usually more a lurker, mind you).

He's out at the supermarket with our 3 year old little boy and I have no idea how to approach this. He can piss right off if he thinks he's getting spoilt on Father's day now.

Here holding your hand.
Has he been looking at it a lot?
Not that that matters much I suppose, the fact that he is doing it at all would be a deal breaker for me.

Thanks. I'm really cold and sitting here in a fucking fleece trying not to cry.

I don't know how much he has been looking at it. He ordered something last week relating to the site nastycast.com. Don't know it if's a membership or 'taster' session - either is bloody awful. You know, the first thing I did was think "We haven't been having sex enough and that's why..." but you know what? If he stopped groping me when he gets horny (at which point I often move away as not in the mood) and actually starts TALKING to me when he wants to have sex, that might actually get me in the mood. I'm not a fucking tap. Sorry if TMI. I am really shocked. I thought we had a great relationship. We've just celebrated our 10 year anniversary :(

I could have written that post a few months ago, left his open when dd was a month old so I felt pretty shit about my body as it was.

And like you I was shocked (my dh is a mouse!)

Try to remain calm if you can xxxx

I don't know :( I don't know how I can act normal. His phone has a password. I suppose I could watch him - I can try to get it off him because I need to take a photo with it (conveniently our digital camera has just died so it might be the perfect excuse).

I'm actually shaking really badly. I think you might be right about checking his phone. Honestly, I can't believe this is me. I thought we were good. We are in the process of buying our first, dream house. Our boy is starting pre-school soon and is blossoming. I couldn't believe how lucky we were.

Snickers, may I ask how you approached this with your DH and how are things now?

DH has been meeting up for drinks with a work colleague/mate who's single recently, and I would be willing to bet he has been bigging up the single life to DH. Not that I'm blaming the friend, of course.

I am feeling very sad right now.

I feel genuinely gutted for you. I would be boiling if I discovered this.
Is he likely to go on the offensive if you confronted him or apologetic?
I agree, try and access his phone

SirRaymond, I'm not sure. Probably apologetic. But this has happened before when we started going out and I got upset that he was using 'normal' porn (I was quite young at the time and very insecure, so it was a real blow, as he was the first person to make me feel good about myself), so he knows my stance on it.

He also developed a crush on a workmate once (just before we started TTC), and again, I discovered a long email he'd written her apologising for something (being too forward, so probably saying something like If I were single....etc etc) and it included the line "Apart from my wife, you're the funniest, sweetest person I've ever met..."

I was obviously delighted about that one - I found it when our son was about 2 months old. He was very apologetic, flat-out denied fancying her, came up with some shit reason that she was very down about her self due to her appearance and it reminded him of me; he wanted her to feel happy about herself, yada yada. I cried, he cried. Basically it was a crush (possibly non-reciprocated by her); I'm fairly confident nothing untoward happened beyond some overly-friendly and unprofessional conversation, but I'll never forget it. Saying that, I have had work crushes, which were intense and blew over quickly (but NEVER acted on), so I could kind of understand how it happened.

I feel a bit calmer now. Thank you all so much, you're really helping.

Of course blue!

I remained very calm and told him I knew. At first he kind of laughed it off which only made me more angry obviously but I think it was more because he was embarrassed (as I said he is not exactly the most confident man)

We hadn't been married a year and I was heavily pregnant so breaking up was not an option for me so instead of my usual confront with anger I stayed really calm, explained how it/her/he made me feel and he was very apologetic , if I'm being honest I'm probably still milking it a bit now but I can honestly say I'm/were over it even tho its such a short space of time. I think me reacting very different from how I would normally scared the crap out of him.

It's kicked me to make more of an effort with my appearance and me in general, he's stopped working every hour and makes time for me and the kids and the bedroom department has dramatically improved (not sure if this is me building my confidence back through spending more time on 'me' or the fact I'm no longer pregnant)

It depends on how you feel about porn and how he gets it, I'm very relaxed about porn usually so probably easier for me to get over so quickly. It was the woman asking him for money via fb which infuriated me ... She could see we were recently married and I was carrying her second child. God I wish I had sent her a message but what would it have achieved?

If your suspicious of more I would try the phone thing too, i never did but then I used his phone too for work reasons.

Is he ever secretive or passwords etc? Another reason I think I learnt to trust him again was he's never been secretive and I have access to everything anyway.

Hope it all works out as well for you as it did me xxx

Hope you're ok, what a shitty nasty shock x