Feeling lonely and abandoned

[Lolaismyfavouriteandmybest]

A year ago both my dh and my bf changed jobs. I work 9-5. My dh now works random shifts. My bf now works every evening and weekends.

I'm getting really bad for putting dd to bed late (she's 7) as she's my only company, (this makes her grumpy and really isn't fair :( ) When dh is home he either goes to bed really really (8pm) early, or plays on his computer: when I ask him to spend time with me he just sits there looking bored until I give in and let him escape. It's like i'm not part of his exciting (for him) new life. When I see my bf she just talk incessantly about her new job. I don't feel like I have much to say to her either.

I need a hobby or something but I can't commit to anything regular because of my child care commitments. I also don't have transport to get anywhere or money to do anything. I'm disabled and in chronic pain so I'm not always good company so my friends have dwindled over the years.

I have no idea why I'm posting this. I doubt very much anyone has a magic answer. I'm just feeling very low at the moment.

Sorry you feel this way. Illness can be very isolating.

Is there stuff you can do online? Take a www.coursera.org/ course? Get involved in online communities? Maybe a local forum where there might be meet ups from time to time? Are there any political causes you could get involved in with letter-writing? Local WI? Are you religious? Is there a church you could get involved in? A pet?

It is a bit unfair to keep your daughter up late.

Have you explained to your husband or friend how you feel?

Do you have no money because your family income is taken up with the boring essentials or because your husband has his money and you have yours? Does he go out and have hobbies past computer games? Can't he take you out rather than just sitting being bored?

Thanks for replying. I don't think i have anything left in me to take a course (although I wish I could) . I'm only just coping day to day keeping everything going with work and home and caring for dd (i'm not religious or politically minded I'm afraid) I need to exercise but I can't afford the gym/pool and probably couldn't get there even if i could. I bought myself a stepper and some hand weights but I feel exhausted at the end of every day so they are just gathering dust.

I tried volunteering at rainbows last year but since dh went on shift I can't get there most of the time (and when I can I'm so tired it's the last thing I want to be doing :( )

We have no money as dh is retraining. he was the bread winner but had a wibble and wants to "help people" and he will be a student for a few more years. But as part of his course he has to work shifts as well as study. It's really hard for him and I want to want to be supportive, but I am feeling like his happiness is ruining mine.

My family say they will help us get about while dh us working, then act like it is an imposition when I ask. Then they criticise me for being dependant on them and dh.

I'm getting myself further and further into a state over this. I can't cope but because dh is doing something so wonderful I have no option but to go along with it.

hi, I'm sorry you are feeling low.

how do you feel about counselling? my suggestion is to talk to your GP

sewing is a great hobby, but I don't know if your disability would stop you from doing it.
If you think you could do it I'm happy to give you some ideas.

and please don't keep your DC up late, not fair, sorry!

keep talking, there's always someone here happy to listen & hold your hand, including me!

I'd thought about going to my gp. but think they would suggest ad's and don't want to do that. They just stop me caring that I'm not functioning and I think I would lose my job if I got any less motivated. Not sure how counselling would help and there is always a huge wait. (I never actually got it last time I put myself on list!)

I can't sew I'm afraid as my hands don't work properly. (I used to paint but don't see how I could find space for it or deal with the mess (when dd tries to "help) but if I could wave a magic wand and go to an art class I would. I used to play the guitar but dh doesn't like noise when he is sleeping and my silly hands just won't hold down the strings :( and music is kinda solitary (they way I play anyway!!) What I wish I could do most is swim and I'm about a year off dd swimming nicely with me rather than leaping on me all the time. (I hope, but I might have thought that last year)

The trouble is dd becomes extra charming at bed time and tells me stuff about school (at tea time when I ask about her day she did "nothing" but at bed time we have some lovely chats). And when I say I keep her up it's only about half an hour on school nights, but I know she suffers for it, especially when I have to get her dressed and to CM mega early as dh is on earlys So I'm trying to cut the chats and cuddles short but after that I'm on my own (well. With my cat but conversations are a little one sided)

Like I said, I doubt anyone has an answer. I just needed to vent as I can't tell dh or my family how I feel as I'm being unsupportive.