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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Divorce in 2013

3 replies

AdiVic · 14/06/2013 12:36

hello

My close pal has discovered her husband has had a 6 month affair, seems he was planning on leaving her and her two very young children for this woman (who has threatened to top herself if he doesn't). The husband moved out of the family home to live in a nearby house, not with other woman. My pal and he, are going to relate but he seems reluctant to make a decision to which one he wants, and has now been stringing her along for a couple of months. She seems reluctant to make the decision to boot him out of her life (must be hard, I am sympathetic).

She does not have access to internet at mo, and my question is what/how do divorces end up these days? My dad had affairs left right and centre when I was young, and as a result lost everything to his last wife who he did have 2 children with. My pal is scared of him going as she has not worked for years, and never had much of a career to start with as he wanted her to be a proper wife, and stay at home to look after him and the kids (shame on the rest of us!). She has no savings, she is on the mortgage, but is terrified she will end up scrabbling around without a bean. I have advised her to seek proper advice, but at this stage it seems to make it too real I think. What can she expect (I guess everyone is different, but in general). He works full time, well, did until he got signed off for depression - which is apparently what caused the affair

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/06/2013 12:58

The two main elements legally are a 50/50 division of any marital assets and financial/care provision for the children. This will vary from case to case depending on individual circumstances, private arrangements, etc. If your friend is being strung along at the moment, even though it may feel 'too real' thinking about divorce, she really should get proper legal advice either from a solicitor or CAB ... 'knowledge is power'.

AdiVic · 14/06/2013 16:09

hello - thank you for that. WOuld he have to help her pay for housing etc? they have no/negative equity in house, so she is obvioulsy worried she won't be able to afford rent etc in the area they live in at the mo. I'm presuming he'll have to pay support for the kids.

When my dad divorced, he had to pay a whacking great amount a month to support both wife and children, AND pay their mortgage cos they stayed in the house..............this was years ago, and i know things have changed.

YOu are right, she needs to see someone.

thank you

OP posts:
Joy5 · 14/06/2013 16:37

Important to remember divorce is separate from the finances too, i received my decree absolute in February but finances are still not sorted. I'm in a similar posititon financially, not much equity and debts are larger then what little there is, still in family home but don't know for how much longer, mortgage is more a month then CSA would ask ex to pay too.

Hes paying mortgage most months, but has missed some payments, i've tried to rent but been turned down on credit rating, best advice i could give is for your friend to see a solicitor for a free session, then she'll know exactly where she stands. Ex will have to pay maintenance for children, and if shes been dependent on him, he'll probably have to pay maintenance for her too, with the expectation she gets a job once youngest child is old enough.

I'm short of money as on tax credits, but i have a fantastic relationship with my 2 younger sons, my ex sees them briefly most weeks, so as far as i'm concerned i might not have much money while ex has his massive salary but i spend 7 days a week with my sons, no money can replace that.

I'd advise your friend to check out the leagal situation, then when she knows more she'll be able to cope with it. Hopefully, she'll be able to stay in the family home until the youngest child leaves full time education.

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