parental conflict study

[cestlavielife]

what do you think of this? who is it aimed at? would it be helpful if involves a controlling/abusive ex? (the advice about the disadvantages of mediation/couples therapy for abusive ex would surely apply? )

www.tccr.ac.uk/research-publications/tccr-research-projects/319-parents-in-conflict-research-study

"We are looking for separated or divorced parents who are:
? tired of arguing about their children
? concerned about how their arguing is affecting their children
? willing to work together on this "

[is another tack of exp to try to get me to sit in a room with him and be attacked for my "failings"...]

If you don't want to do it, then don't do it.

I think the only resolution to a controlling/abusive ex is if they decide independently to quit being abusive and controlling. If they want to get therapy to achieve that...great. Nothing you can do is going to influence the outcome so don't waste your time. Tell him to go along by himself perhaps? He might learn something...

I think it is mad as a premise in the first place, surely parents who wanted to work together would be...

The only people I can imagine it benefitting are equally abusive parents tbh.

All other situations where there is "high conflict" and "repeated court visits" are going to be ones where one partner is abusive arent they and I'd say this is hideously inappropriate in those situations.

It is unethical of them not to make it clear (as mediation do) that it is inappropriate where there is abuse or fear.

yeh... i might raise some of those point with the providers if ex passes my name on. dont see meeting eligibility citera

I can see it being useful for the people who come on here and say they fallen out of love etc and want to split, or maybe where one parent has left for someone else - and they need to work around that...they still trust the parent with care of the children .or there are different parenting styles but there is a lot of shared parenting, routine contact ...

but where there are no big issues around abusive/controlling behaviours or welfare of children etc

i guess it illustrates the fact that as far as exp is concerned, I am the one who "needs help" [i ignore the constant text rants of "you need help!"] because I picked up the children and fled to a rented property just because of arguments -or his "depression" - "she left me i dont understand it" .... he still doesnt get i left because he got mad and aggressive and dangerous and had been displaying controlling behaviours for years .... also refuses to accept oldest dd wont see him because of his behaviours she has witnessed. (not so many lately because of severely limited contact but the odd event eg him recently shouting thru letterbox at her she was "going to die in a fire" because she was home alone (at age 13, for a short time)

also it's aimed at "co-parents" - implying regular routine contact ?

where contact is severely limited because of one parent's past behaviours and welfare concerns; fact is that there is no effective co-parenting. it's the same input as a vistiing relative or regular contact with gandparents - they are not a co-parent.

www.tccr.org.uk/parenting-together-service

seems to be commisisoned by govt tho - conservative view of "if only we can help parents who argue a lot then families wont break down" - which somewhat simplifies the whole issue and ignores the core reasons for abusive behaviours which go beyond "argumentatative" behaviour...

I suppose they have to start somewhere and any general initiative to improve parenting or communication in relationships can only ever be one size fits all. I remember my DS coming home from primary once with a leaflet about conflict resolution and better parenting in single parent families.... and being heartily pissed off at the patronising assumption that being a single parent meant a) conflict and b) I needed help with my parenting skills. So if this doesn't apply to you, ignore.

Maybe I am cynical but I think it's worse than "if only we can help families who argue" I think it is more sinister than that, it's an attempt to re-introduce the idea that women should put up and shut up when their husband is abusive to them and/or the children.

I think what convinces me of this is that they are aiming it at "high conflict" families with "repeated court appearances" and it isn't interested in sorting out abusive families (which will be most of this group) from the others. It is almost sneeringly blaming at (majority) women trying to deal with constant abuse and use of the court system from an ex.