Why cant i show love.

[tibbers]

Ive found the love of my life. I love her with all my heart yet i cant make her feel loved. I feel it inside but i cant show it to her. Its killing me inside knowing its there because i feel it. I just cant show her. I come across as selfish.

How can i show her i love her? How can i make her feel that i do love her?

You can't make anyone 'feel' something. Are you in a relationship with this person?

Yes have been for over a year.

And what is it you're doing that makes you look selfish?

I have issues with how i look and feel about myself, as does she yet i try to show her how much i love her her body. But yet recently i have lost some weight where she has put the weight on and i rubbed it in her face without even realising what i was doing. Other things are that i dont apprectiate things that she does for me. Like buying me things or mayby taking me to places as i dont drive. I just take it all for granted and i know im doing it yet i cant break the habit of not saying thank you.
I recently caused a fight and i knew i was in he wrong. We texted for a few days and i knew she wasnt well, yet i didnt call her to hear her voice i took the time apart and dwelled on the whole situation now she feels that i dont care about her.

Do you show her you care for her in other ways? Do you ever do nice things for her?

Unpacking that a little....

... When you lost weight did you actually 'rub it in her face' or do you think she was being touchy and couldn't cope with your success?

.... Appreciation is just good manners. Do you thank people normally when they do something for you? Shop assistants? Bus drivers? Good manners are a habit. If you consciously remember to smile and say 'thanks' and you practise this every day, what starts as an effort becomes second nature.

.... Taking time apart and dwelling is 'sulking' and it's immature behaviour that has no place in an adult relationship. There's a saying 'never let the sun go down on an argument' and it's very true. Try to resolve problems quickly between you rather than letting them drag on to the next day. Never sulk

As for showing love the best thing I can suggest is to treat others the way you'd like to be treated yourself. e.g. Smile, make compliments, show appreciation, be thoughtful and considerate. Go the 'extra mile' occasionally. Do something nice for them without being asked.

If you know how you should show her your love, then do it. :)

Thank you for the advice. I do the odd thing without being asked or told yes but i could always do more. Sulking is yes on my part i do sulk its very imature and its somthing i need to sort out as im a bottler i cant just say when im annoyed at the time i just bottle it up and keep it to myself which makes things ten times worse.

At least you recognise it's a problem and you want to sort it out. That's good. However, you have to take that motivation and turn it into action. Here's a communication exercise you and girlfriend might like to try... it's fun but there's a serious purpose.

Pick a time when you're together, relaxed and there's no distractions What you then do is take turns starting a sentence. "What I really like and appreciate about you is...." and then finish the sentence accordingly.

When you get comfortable with this compliment-swapping you can add a second sentence starter which is 'What I'd like to see more of is....' This is a constructive way for both of you to avoid bottling things up. By saying... 'what I'd like you to do more often is.... (let's pick something random) ... let me choose the weekend movie' It's a nice way of pointing out something awkward without it coming across as blaming or obnoxious.

I do this with my DS fairly regularly. We say what we appreciate about each other. We bring up the annoying stuff. We finish with another thing we like. Worth a try?

Definetly worth a try thank you

Love that, Cogito! :)

I came across it once and thought it was a nice approach. Having to consciously think what it is you like about each other is a good habit to get into, as is tackling niggly things before they get stabby... :)

What does your partner say about this?